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An Infuriating Topic

I am usually one for keeping my writing simple and light-hearted. More often than not, I would like to provide laughs to my readers. So if you came here for a chuckle, turn away now. You don’t need to see this side of me.

“What is so infuriating?” you might ask. If I were to tell you without any context, you’d think me to be a fool. An average Joe worked up about his simple life and taking it out on inanimate objects. You might even go as far as to completely disagree with me. However, as simple as my life may be, this rant has been years in the making. The pot that is my rage was set on a low flame some time ago, only to boil over entirely. It all started in an adorable little diner while I was on a date with a woman clueless to the bane of my existence.

The date was going surprisingly well, considering my ineptitude with women. Begrudging following “dating protocol,” I offered to pay for the meal. Slightly disappointed she didn’t at least try to pay, I gathered the bill and glanced at the total. My eyes widened as my brain put together a logical explanation of why the damage was so high. How in sweet bippy did I manage to spend $20 on milkshakes?

  1. This was supposedly a cheap diner.
  2. The milkshakes were meh at best.
  3. There wasn’t even the extra shake in a metal cup on the side.

Three milkshakes. Twenty dollars.

For perspective, working minimum wage customer service (12.65/hour) would equate to working roughly two hours (Helping around 80 people). Usually irritable people — like I was — paying for what was previously, a nice date. I sure as heck would never trade two hours of my life helping a bunch of wankers for those godforsaken milkshakes ever again. Needless to say, it stirred an unbridled anger from within. I parted ways with the poor girl, who was inadvertently caught in close proximity to my fury. As I walked home wishing I had paid in nickels, a thought crossed my mind.

“Have milkshakes always been this expensive?”

Since I was a wee lad, milkshakes were always the thing to get when my parents took me out for dinner. They were a treat that I always looked forward to, but never thought much of. And yes, they’ve always been bloody expensive (Sorry mom and dad). Considering ice cream, whipping cream and chocolate sauce would all be bought in bulk at a restaurant, charging five or six bucks for a shake is highway robbery (although having that metal cup with extra shake goes a long way in my heart).

I have come to the conclusion that a fairly priced milkshake doesn’t exist. When I go anywhere for food I search the menu for milkshakes, hoping to find a reasonable price. Always to no avail. If you happen to own a restaurant that serves milkshakes, do society a favour and cut those prices in half and half.