Am I alone?

For some reason since I started my company I had the feeling that I am alone, I don’t know why.
May be because I am single founder?
May be because I am the one who came up with the idea?
May be because I am the most experienced in my team?
I don’t know why but it feels exactly like this background, there is lot of unknowns and I have nothing to do except exploring.

The worse part is, my team was looking at me as if I know, the funny part is they trusted me and guess what they trusted me on many levels, they have been blindly following me for while until we had things going very bad and they were part of everything (And this was a mistake, not ever place is so great when it comes to open book concepts or may be I misunderstood the concept).

The good thing about being alone is, it gives you a chance to build a good gut, if it is not useful now some how it will be useful in many other situations in the future, also it is not a granted that this experience will be used.

I just came back from Copenhagen

The current situation is, I am sort of heartbroken, it feels bad that I had this golden ticket to change the world and I was lazy and not mature enough to use this ticket in the right way.

I had a chance to be part of Startupbootcamp mobile, I was so happy joining this team, for sometime I will be on the other side, I will be behind the curtain and I will get a chance to help someone not to fall in my mistakes.

I was alone and it was weird, with all this people and with this great environment I thought I will be able to not be alone for while, in fact the thing about seeing people suffering in their startups pushed me to go in the reflection mood, I remembered everything and it was good.

Reflecting and having a chance to see what I have done and what went wrong with the feedback from many people on the table it was like “overdose of stealth feedback for me”, I was learning from the actions there, I was learning form each and everything going there, I was building a better gut.

For some people this 3 months was tough, for me I was enjoying every second, I spent lot of time thinking about the startups and my self.

I am waiting for the buzz

Currently I feel that I have a lot in my head, I wish I can take out or use it somehow, I feel like I am waiting for the train that will take me the noisiest place on earth so I can use each and every skill I have aquired in my journey while building F16Apps.

Still it is so quite and I am not sure if I am waiting on the right side, even in this peace time, it is not adventure free.

Simply when you choose the path of a startup is like being jammed in this thing, it is never ending fight, I can’t imagine it will just pass like that.

I have something to give back and I am determined to give it back, in my heart I will not take the punch and bend over.

I am now in the state of collecting my thoughts, looking back and digging in my past, trying to find what went wrong, I am re-building my gut.

Am I that peaceful?

Yes and no.

Yes because I like to have my time alone, I like to think, I like to look back, not for the fun of it but because I have too, if I want the coming days to be better and if I want to be prepared for whatever comes next.

And no because I am spontaneous, I go angry and I go mad and sometimes I hardly make sense to my self, it is weird and funny.

Does snapping make me feel good? absolutely not.

What do I do now about that? I shut-up and simply bite my tongue.

It is better to respect people no matter how stupid they are, because as much I think they are stupid they think I am stupid too, the only way to get my point into their head is just finding their doors through listening.

I just want to be happy

All I am looking for is my happiness, I Am not looking for anything else, anything in my way is just a tool, I didn’t seek it, it is just part of the big plan.

My big plan is to live in peace and have some fun with everyone I know, people are magical even the evil ones, they have something to give you.

You have to open your eyes and look at the other side, I found that I was blinded by what I think and while I was faking I am listening and rushing for conclusions I slowly found my self in the island of me, I was all alone facing my fears, I took the ship down with my arrogance and nonsense shit.

I wil not deny that fact that I have learnt a lot by being alone, I am not sorry or sad because It was my choice and the good thing about life, it is never late to correct the course of my actions, I will change whatever I can do and hopefully I can make something remarkable that change everyone’s life.

Thanks for reading ☺, Recommend and share it may change something.

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