it gets worse because otherwise

things that get worse every time you do them:

  • staying up late
  • listening to my favourite song
  • eating pasta
  • having sex
  • falling in love
  • solving a specific puzzle

things that get better every time you do them:

  • asserting your boundaries
  • tidying your flat
  • calling people on the phone
  • doing what you want (not what someone else wants)
  • crying
  • being on stage

you feel like over time all the bad stuff gets less bad and the good stuff gets less good. you feel like over time all the average stuff stays average. you live for one million years and five years. everything is mostly the same. cool breezes are still nice, very slightly. crying babies still bother you, very slightly. that is about it.

you think back to before. it all seems very loud. at the time kissing in the snow felt like the most exciting thing possible. you kiss him in the radioactive fallout. you go to a michelin star restaurant and eat the last sheep in the universe. it feels like nothing. it feels like nothing. something about this feels good. you love it. you love it. you love it. you like it. you like it. you like it. you

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