Decoding Your Date: How to Suss Them Out Without Making it Awkward
We have all had those ‘I should have known’ relationships.
You know, the ones where all the signs were there, right from Day 1.
We ignore our better judgement because he was cute and made us laugh (It’s an irresistible combo for sure).
He had it all — the looks, the chat, and the six-pack.
Turned out he also had a wife, 2 kids, a rampant sex addiction, and a criminal record.
We’ve all been duped by a pretty stranger at some point in our lives. But 9 times out of 10 we knew something wasn’t right and turned a blind eye.
Why?
Because you convince yourself you are just being paranoid and ignore your intuition.
Which, admit it.
Practically screams at you, but you choose to keep on your rose-coloured spectacles and end up getting hurt.
But you’re fed up being a single pringle and convince yourself to get back on the scene.
You’ve bagged yourself a date.
You have your best friend’s wedding in a couple of months and there’s no way you’re going alone.
You’re just about to leave.
You look and smell like a million dollars.
But before you go, get your head game sorted too.
And follow this guide to help you suss out your date.
Prep Yo’Self Don’t Neglect Yo’Self
While on your way to the date.
Think about this…
What do you bring to the table?
Think about all you have to offer in a relationship.
You’re warm and loyal, you have lots of love to give the right candidate.
And you’re looking hot.
Once you’ve convinced yourself what a catch you are, you’re almost ready to meet your date.
Another thing…
See that unpenetrable wall you have built around yourself because you have been hurt before?
Leave it at home.
Don’t bring baggage to your date.
You don’t have to wear your heart on your sleeve.
Just be authentically you, minus the baggage.
You don’t want to appear like a wounded puppy.
You wouldn’t like it if your date turned up with a suitcase full of sob stories about how he’d been hurt in the past.
You want a date, not a pity party.
Be present with your date.
Be positive and just be yourself.
Lasting First Impressions
To get an accurate read on your date you have to turn up for yourself and feel confident.
If you are feeling self-conscious or unworthy, you are thinking about that, not sussing out your date.
Don’t try to cover up your nervousness by drinking too much either — that never works.
Don’t swap your rose-coloured spectacles for beer goggles.
Get your own house in order first.
When you first meet, if you are present you can take more in.
Don’t just hear their words.
Feel the emotions behind them.
Watch the body language.
Listen to the tone of their voice.
How does their energy feel?
You can get so much more information by feeling into this than concentrating on what they are saying.
Anyone can say anything.
Watch Out For Red Flags
When you sit down and have your first conversation just let that flow.
Don’t bring out your clipboard full of questions just yet — it’s not an interview.
But there are essential warning signs to look out for.
It’s true, confidence is attractive.
But there’s a difference between being self-assured and self-important.
If your date appears to be exaggerating achievements or expects to be recognised as superior.
If they are overly boastful.
Or if they seem overly critical, and look down at people they don’t think are important.
This is a red flag.
Notice how they speak to the waiter.
Are they acting respectfully toward you?
Another thing to pay attention to is if they are appearing pushy, or trying to make the date move too fast.
Maybe it’s feeling like it’s too much too soon.
There is a big difference between wanting to let you know they are into you.
And it beginning to feel like they see you as a conquest.
Sometimes it will be difficult to discern the difference. (Especially if they are a seasoned player and good at it).
Discernment is only possible when we allow our intuition to guide us.
Are they making lots of eye contact?
Look into their eyes and let your intuition tell you what their game is.
Watch for inconsistency in the way they are coming across to you. If they seem all over the place with their behaviour it may be that they don’t know themselves.
Or they may be untrustworthy.
How do they speak about their family and friends?
Does it feel like there’s a genuine connection there?
If they speak about their friends and family fondly you can tell they are capable of having healthy relationships.
If it is the first time you meet them and all they talk about are disputes they are having with other people.
Watch out. It may be them that’s the problem.
All the signs are there
The signs you need are all there, it’s just about reading between the lines.
You can still have fun and enjoy the company.
While staying present and listening, watching and feeling the energy between you.
While you are in conversation, watch the body language.
How are you responding to each other on an energetic level?
Try to look at you both sitting there through the eyes of someone sitting at another table.
What do they think when you look across at you?
Do they see a couple who look comfortable in each other’s presence?
Do they smile quietly and think “They look happy”
Thinking about that will help you assess how well the date is progressing.
There are so many things we can tell by reading the energy of a person, such as:
Do they seem quiet or gentle?
Or lively and loud?
Is their energy assertive or submissive?
Do they come across as confident or shy?
Don’t just listen to what they say, feel into it.
For example, if they are telling you a story about what happened that day at work.
Look at the body language and how they respond to what happens in the story.
Say it’s a story about a situation with a difficult boss, notice how they react to how it unfolds.
Did they show signs of anger or frustration at the situation?
Were they just happy to be compliant in the end?
Did they find a way around it to have a more favourable outcome for them?
Or were they a bit cheeky and found a humorous way to resolve it?
Don’t just listen to the story itself but feel the energy behind the words they use.
Listen to the tone of their voice.
Look at the body language…
Were fists clenched?
Or did they seem quite relaxed about it, even though it was a tough situation?
If they found a cheeky way to resolve it, did they display signs of feeling one-upmanship?
Or was it more light-hearted than that?
How did you feel about them after they told you the story?
Suss out their energy.
You will get a better feel if they are the lucky ones who get to escort you to your friend’s wedding.
Without asking lots of awkward questions!
