Is it weird to love my Girlfriend?
A friend sitting next to me. Gets an incoming call. It is his girfriend. She asks “hey, babe, where are you?” , He says, just a minute, walks out, takes another 5, to finish the call. Comes back “Man she is such a bitch, can’t bear with her” Goes on for a while on that.
I let him finish and when done i ponder. I surely know he loves her, i surely do he cares. I certainly was with him 3 months ago, when he was head over heals, growing brightly when his phone rang and how joyous it was when he asked her out and she said yes.
Both of them have been my friends and both of them have not changed. This i know is true, as i live with that guy and attend classes with her. I know they go on fond dates and secretly in room, he admires her, with pictures and notes. But when with us, and away, she is a plague and a bitch.
But this is not the 1st time nor the only time, neither is it with him and just her, with all my friends, with all my family. These keep on repeating. This is even more confusing , when one considers the fact that these are all kind and loving men otherwise.
I dont get it, I honestly don’t… guys spend fucking effort to get a gf and win over a woman. But once they do, all they do is complain how women are annoying, how she likes shopping or she is obsessed with make up, or every trivial mundanity. All which one were aware prior to dating. while Major goals like career or children are worth arguing over. Men i see whine and cringe over chip flavors. Is that all your love is, something that doesn't compromise for occasional spicy indian instead of american cheese. I dont get dating some one for being pretty, but not for other things, n then changing personality
But you are not a shallow person, so it is not that, it is not your ego either. You say that, fine, ill take it, you are my friend and i do believe you are a good person. But then what, i am not saying i will never debate my girlfriend either. I mean there are few things id argue sure to change, like if she says all black people should die, i certainly shall not let it pass nor any instances of homophobia true. That indeed is worth arguing over, but if she says black isn't my favorite color and my favorite is black, why not let it pass. I certainly compromise moreover with my family, friends, boss and even strangers on subway and so on. So why argue and why feign the lack of empathy when you really do care.
Let it go, i already have discussed, about this forced sense of Macho in the previous post. I love my girl friend , I really do. For most times, i would rather be having a chat with her than go out with friends. I still do go out at times, as i value friendships and I try to have a good time. At times ill admit, she may even annoy me. But when i go out , it isnt that. But after so long, she still is the woman i fell in love with and i don’t get why i would put her down for anything. I also know that, my friends are good, so just why? I just cannot slur her, much less in public.
I certainly don't hear women proudly declaring disdain and lack of love for spouses. Yes they can whine, they can be cringeworthy. But never proudly declare they live through a relationship with no empathy and allure for the significant other. Nor would you find women calling spouses, dicks.
While it is true no one knows a couple like themselves. Does a phone call at work or a cute note, embarrass you so much, that you need to claim back your male validity or aka masculinity by calling her cunt or bitch. I understand why you might want that, i have experienced peer pressure too, and it can be powerful.
But as adults, as independent ones. Are we men still scared and fearful of each other that showing an ounce of emotion or a bit of vulnerability, ruins your life otherwise. How many relationships are broken over quests to be manly, how many times have you gone through the cycle of courtship, stoicism, confrontations and break up.
Relationships aren't easy, dating isn't for faint hearted. It is a charm , an allure and a responsibility at same time. You may have made wrong decisions, may have ended up with a wrong person and if that is the case, then please just break up.
But if it isnt, you really feel charmed, think your girlfriend is a good person. For love of god, stop having this faux put downs. It doesn't give you much credibility. If you truly cannot be with yourself, your deserve to be with no one. Love is of humanity, it is inherent in us. Take it and run with it, society does not care, it will exploit you when it can. You may feel manly when you put her down and you may think that gives you a leg up in social ladder. But ultimately you are just undercutting yourself, underplaying your love and underestimating the peace it can give.
Stop perpetuating the stereotype and many around you may soon follow, make it easier for rest of us too. Break this false standard for acceptance of male humanity and the patheticness it ensures. I again get that, why you may be like this, i had a life where i could break of the convention easily. May be it is harder for you, but do liberate yourself, feel free and joyous. Let yourself be weak and loved and at end of the day, i promise you, you will still have friends and your girl friend too.