Beam Me Up Scotty

Will the new checks make it hurt less bad?

Can I drown my sorrows in a Louis V bag?

My life's about to do a 360, can I disassociate to the point where my old life will miss me?

Writing letters to put my own kin in prison

Screaming at my niggas tryna get them to listen

He dragged me by my hair at the age of 13

Its amazing, I aint never took oxy or lean

I been grabbed and had a knife held to my throat

Maybe that's why I like getting choked

That got dark for a minute, but I got new visions

Seeing myself in a whip I ain't gotta fix twice a year

Chillin in a crib where maintenance aint called the first week

Look im grateful for what I have, but this shit need remodeling I fear

Mold on my fixture and I only been here 2 months?

What type of shit is this? And they want rent every month?

There's not a week that goes by where I don't worry about food. And I do overtime even when I'm not in the mood

I'm 28 but my knees feel like I'm 50, but shit I need sleep the gym gon have to miss me.

I want new clothes but my bills say otherwise.

Its amazing I was able to get a cut and dye

No more tip tapping on my keyboard, memories of a fresh set

And yeah some got it worst. I aint dead yet.

Worked hella hard for what I have, feeding my ancestors every 3 days. Cause they constantly guiding me through this maze.

I've passed every test, pop quiz, and haze to see this bag I'm gonna see one day

I wanna cry as I stare at the moon, cause so many tried to play me as a fool. Take a damaged girl give her a crumb of love, and she's sure to give you what you want.

Tell her what she wanna hear, tell her you want her child it'll drive her wild. Tell her she'll get a ring, that'll mean everything.

But in the next life these niggas gon be my bitch. Fuck it this life, cause they always call crying and shit. When they see that she can't match my range. And she gon leave his ass once it rains.

And that nigga down bad in so much pain. But get the fuck off my marble porch you fucking lame. Dirty ass tears gon leave a stain

Somebody call pest control. They called me a $2 hoe. Harassed me to death and sent my family my nudes. So many times I wanted to pick an orange suit.

But im glad I kept it cool. Can't fuck up opportunities for these dubs. Let em talk they shit and have they fun. I'm making business plans I don't want your man. Sorry he went broke on my Onlyfans.

They mothers never hugged them they fathers never loved them. Take it up with God. The way I see it? Everyday is the chopping block.

I watched my parents lose they parents before they even saw 60. Lost my Nana in her early 50's. All the old heads left before I even hit 30

I dont care if you hate me, I just care about making sure I'm close to my mama. I gotta be her parent while she goes through her trauma

Its no wonder these niggas in the same spot every year, when sex is they life and they thrive off being a troll. When gossiping they hobby being a mole.

Aint got no time for none of that. I been going on interviews that can lead to ocean views. And I can hop in a boat and sail away to not think about the friends who was ugly and fake

Oh I don't fit your agenda? Cause I don't pretend to be some superwoke nigga? Cause I'm not sacrificing shit for this two faced community. The same niggas who always called the dogs on me? The same wolves who infiltrated and stole ya chickens? But please do you, best of wishes.

Man I tell you, I then been through some shit, but since I lived burb life niggas think life perfect. Always wanna talk about my skin tone, like I was born with my ass glued to a throne. They'll say the success came easy.

But if they tried on my shoes they'd get queasy. They'd ask how the fuck im still alive? How the fuck are you sane? Guess it's just the resilience that runs through my vains

Guess I'm a masochist who conquers taking pain. Or a sadist cause I've mastered making it pleasure. Maybe I'm a switch cause I've learned how to flip it

But its probably foolish for me to pray, that the money takes all this shit away. But a woman can dream can't she?

Can't see baby feet on my 5th lemon Shandy. At some fancy beach party compliments of the company, that I only went to;to have some company. Someone other then my conscious, thoughts, and fears.

But Christmas still comes around every year, damn I hate Christmas. But you'd hate it too if someone was missing at dinner

That shit don't make me feel like a winner, died and was resurrected by 25. They dread 30 but 20's showed me what hell was like.

Ima be a depressed rich nigga, I know trauma can't be fixed with six figures. But if my emotional life's trash and my mental could drive a person mad, then the least this life can give me is my bag.

What I really wanted was Tabron. I wanted to make videos with our baby laying on his stomach and..that's been so hard to move through..but 3k a week will make the grey skies blue.

At least I hope so, cause I'm tired of soaked pillows it's getting old.

Yes I've tried therapy, and I'm still trying to find the perfect fit for me. Cause some white woman looks you in your eyes. And tells you only you complete your pie.

So I wipe my face and stare into space. And imagine a life away from this, Where the men I love won't give me piss. Where my friends aren't flaky and jealous. Where everybody doesn't suck so I made art my friend. So I made paper my man. So I made fashion my life.

I'll keep clicking my heels once or twice. 
Pretty soon I'll be living a better life.