Madam Na Noo Ning’s Asia Wonder Diet

How to lose weight and become beauiful the old fashioned way

Even if you are ugly as a dog, you can still attract love and compliments if you follow the philosophy of Madam Na Noo Ning. Madam Na is the power behind the throne of Chairman Na Noo Ning, who she transformed from a portlyfour eye geek into the leader of the modern New Asia. She did it with the old fashioned principles of Asia taught to her by her sadistic Mom and Grandma. She calls it “anti- posiive affirmation that works”.

You need sadistic prison guards”

“Never in my life do I see kindness rewarded without cruelty. Cruelty is good, especially when you have to lose last 15 pounds before dinner party. You need Mommy or Granny who lock you in room with double bolt until fat disappears.

No gentle affirmation

“STOP looking in mirror and saying “I’m wonderful”. Because you NOT wonderful. You just big load of lazy humanity that need to change. If you perfect, then you not need to look in mirror! Use ONLY emotions that work”-


“You shame family name with your fat. Look at your sister. She at LEAST 10 pounds lighter! Why? Because she staple mouth shut!”


“If you disgrace family, you going to have to marry that fat, homely kid with pimple face that was #4 on our arranged marry list”


“And remember your brother is genius hacker. We make him troll you all over internet”


“But if you drop weight, you will ALWAYS be able to make fun of fat neighbor next door”

Never be proud of fat, be proud of “flat”

“Problem with Western women, they show hamburger butt like wiggle Jello and say “see! I am loud and proud!” You proud that you have enough excess fat to fry a ton of teriyaki chicken? Look at Madonna. 100 year old still she not let one ounce of fat intrude. Flat tummy yum yummy. This is Asia dream!”