Kids who need families want STABLE families as instability is 99% of the time the reason they lost or were taken away from their first homes. Posting “pleas for financial help” regularly online makes it sound like you’re in some pretty dire straits. You know what you shouldn’t do when you’re in dire financial straits? Take on more financial and healthcare burdens like having a child. A pregnancy and birth will mean tens of thousands of dollars in hospital bills to start with. An adoption itself regularly costs thousands, not even to mention the costs of raising a child nor paying for it to go to college one day. Choosing to invite another human into your life when you can barely take care of yourself is extremely irresponsible and abusive to the child.
It sounds like you just want to make your boyfriend a baby because you desperately want to create an identity for yourself. It’s understandable but makes you the very picture of a reckless decision-maker. You’ve mentioned having bipolar — wanting a baby with your recently reconnected high school boyfriend is probably just a symptom of this.
Never enter a relationship or try to have a baby out of spite or desperation. It sounds like you have a lot you’re trying to prove to the world and it sounds almost guaranteed you’ll hurt yourself and other people in the process. Making a baby go through that with you is just cruel.
But hey what do I know. Respond to this by quoting every one of my points and tell me why I’m wrong! Maybe you’re right, maybe having a baby with no foundation for yourself is a great idea!