How to Live a Worry-Free Life: The 5x5 Rule
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It was during my freshman humanities class that my professor asked us to describe ourselves in ONE word/phrase. My phrase? Control-freak.
Remember those long road trips you would take with your family and friends when you were a kid?
I was that obnoxious kid ALWAYS asking “Are we there yet?” How many miles left? I’m hungry! Can we stop to use the bathroom?
It goes without saying that we didn’t do many road trips as a kid.
Growing up however, I quickly learned about a strong personality trait I possessed and would arise time and time again: I needed to be in the driver’s seat. In other words, I needed to know the outcome of a given situation because of two reasons:
- Curiosity
- Control Freak Gene
I mean lets face it, as an engineering student, it’s almost innate for us to inquire and search for all possible variables and outcomes that when it’s time for project execution , everything is accounted for.
In high school, this way of thinking proved very helpful. I never missed assignments, was always on time, and always felt like I was prepared for the “real world”.
Boy, was I wrong.
MY ATTEMPT TO CONTROL THE WEATHER
For students like myself who also have the “control-freak” gene, when we started college, it was like being thrown into the Roman Colosseum.
Deadline traps. Ferocious beasts known to victims as 8 AM's. And to top it all off, gladiators (professors) gladly thrusting their final exams swords into our (GPA) gut.
But like any struggle in life, you must learn to adapt.
Adapting however to a plethora of new responsibilities seemed overwhelming.
Now I had the choice to go to class? Professors will continue teaching even if I don’t understand? The final is 30% of my grade?
As a first generation college student, growing up I had a lot of “firsts” in my family. First to graduate high school in America. First to work at a Fortune 500 company. First to attend college.
If that wasn’t enough, add to this the stress of maintaining a social life, healthy eating habits, and somewhat of a sleeping schedule.
I cracked.
Being the type of person who plans out EVERYTHING. I quickly learned in college that you can’t plan for absolutely everything.
That tight grip I was accustomed to putting on everything, started to loosen itself. I felt agitated and worried. And the more I worried, the harder I tried to tighten my grip.
I fell into a toxic cycle of trying to control my external circumstances. I quickly realized the following:
Worrying gave me a false sense of being more in control when in reality I was the furthest thing from it.
Fast-forward to the sob story.
I failed my first college course. I gained weight. I suffered death in the family. And to top it all off, my girlfriend broke up with shortly after all these things happened.
I won’t lie, I was depressed. I lost meaning in life because everything that I knew to be of value, my grades, my relationships, and my self-image, all seemed to shatter into smithereens.
That was until however, I learned the 5x5 Rule.
HOW I FOUND PEACE: THE 5x5 RULE
The rule is simple.
Whatever unpleasant situation you are undergoing, applying the 5x5 Rule is to simply ask one question: Will this matter or affect me in 5 years? If not, don’t spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it.
Example: You and your friends are coming back home from down the shore after a long day of swimming and partying. You’re sober (obviously), but all you want is to drop your friends off and go home. So you decide to speed up a little bit. Right at that moment, it just so happens a State Trooper begins to follow you. You guessed it. The red, white and blue. You get an expensive ticket for speeding and passenger seat belts. Since your driver, this affects your license and driving record. Worry begins to kick in.
Normal Reaction: **** the police! I wasn’t even speeding and of course, he pulled me over because of the kind of car I drive. How am I going to pay this ticket?! I don’t get paid until next week! ****! My insurance is gonna skyrocket.
5x5 Rule: Damn, it was unwise of me to have been speeding this late at night. Thankfully he stopped me and perhaps saved me from something more serious. I will just plead guilty, pay the fine and move on.
However, life isn’t always so simple.
The question that begs to be asked is, “What if my conflict WILL matter in 5 years? Then what?”
The answer again is simple. Ask yourself, “How can I do something about it?” If the answer is nothing, you found your solution. Live and let go.
Example: You are a senior in college and find yourself on the kitchen table deciding which out of the many graduate schools you will commit to. Worry and anxiety are at level 99.
CAN DO: Research which schools have more programs inclined towards your major. Reach out to students already at those universities, attend orientations, and find out which colleges provide the most financial aid.
CAN’T DO: You are a bit of a procrastinator and missed all but one of your college’s enrollment deadlines. You have no choice but to attend that school, and you’re concerned if it’ll be a good fit. The solution? Try it. You have no other options, and a positive attitude and mindset will do nothing but get rid of your worry and further your college experience.
For me, the 5x5 Rule played a huge role in reallocating my emotional efforts and helping me grow in areas where I was weak.
Looking back, I remember worrying so much about what other people would say or think if I did _______. The more time I thought about it, the less inclined I was gonna go on with it.
However, with a 5x5 lens on life, the opinions of others seem so meaningless and so stupid. As a matter of fact, I began to see a lot of things that once held me back and realized how trivial they were.
Thanks to the 5x5 Rule, I have been able to re-prioritize my worries and put in check my control-freak gene.
For me, due dates, exam scores, and a skipped classed here and there were huge worries for me. Don’t get me wrong, these things are important and must not be overlooked. But in the grand scheme of things, we should seek constant improvement, not perfection.
3 STEPS TO LIVE WORRY FREE
1. Don’t try to control the Uncontrollables
Without a doubt the greatest harm you can do to your mental health is attempting to control EVERYTHING in your life.
Although government conspiracists say that you can control the weather, unfortunately it’s still out of public reach. So why fret?
Life is 1% what happens to you, and 99% of how you react to it.
Your attitude is everything. More on this in the second point.
2. Control the Controllables
If there is one thing to remember from this post, it’s this point: Control the Controllables.
Have you ever sat down one morning and planned what you were going to do that day? Perhaps you made a list or opened your Notes App on your phone. You set a series of tasks for the day, and went about to complete them.
How did you feel when you were able to cross off completed tasks from your list? Satisfaction and sense of control.
THIS IS KEY.
The feeling of being in control gives a sense of peace and mental clarity. When we fret over external conflicts, our brains will often go haywire trying to calculate possible solutions towards them. In many cases, like the day to day problems, you’ll get stressed, but you get on with your day.
It’s the career choice, college commitment, and 5 year impact decisions that will eat us alive.
Instead of focusing on the effect of these decisions, think about what you can do to contribute to the solution. Ironically, the first step towards a solution is the mental switch to think positively towards a negative situation.
3. Consistency > Rigidity
Personally, I admire those people who live life “worry-free” and don’t stress over the small things.
However, I have learned through experience that it’s actually impossible to live life “worry-free”. Even after learning, applying, and even teaching the 5x5 rule, I will find myself fretting over small, mundane things like getting my guac on top of my burrito bowl instead of on the side.
Life is about progression and improvement. Learn these tips. Apply them. and If you put them into practice, you will achieve a more peaceful, “worry-free” life.
What are some methods you have to cope with stress and live worry-free?
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