THE LUCK OF BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED BY A WOMAN

UNINFORMED READERS

In several of the news in which a boy is sexually abused by a woman, there are comments that fuel the idea that the boy got lucky, that he must have liked and that it wasn’t abuse. There are also readers who mention that wished they were abused when they were young, feeding a total depreciation of the sexual abuse and feeding the normalization of these cases.

In my time of school I’ve dreamt having an affair with a teacher, but it was always a dream… lucky teenager!

It looks there’s an almost total disbelief of the possibility of a boy being a sexual abuse victim and also a attitude of making fun of the entire situation, which blurs the abuse cases of its importance and its core.

Lucky boy, to me the teachers would only beats us

BOYS JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX

Like Jennifer Marsh, vice president of the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) says “we need to stop saying that boys are always looking to have sex so it’s all right if a woman does it to them”. The myth that a boy is lucky because an older woman has initiated him into sexual life is wrong and it harms the way that adolescents and male survivors view and evaluate their abuse situations.

We know that only 16% of male survivors recognize that they are victims of sexual abuse. Inherent to this form of self-rejection, there’s all the feedback that reaches men one way or the other. When a boy, victim of sexual abuse, listens (from his friends, peers and from society) how lucky he was by having sex with a female teacher, how can we wait that very same boy can disclose and talk about his true feelings?

When I was 17, and I had a geography teacher so hot, hot, hot that it would hurt. She was around 25/30 years. Damn teacher, never had the idea of “abusing” me.

AGE AND CONSENT

When we talk sexual abuse from adults to children with 6 years old, no one doubts that it’s not abuse. However, when the age of the victim gets older the notion of abuse starts to blur to some people and it’s a reason of disagreement.

This is shameful. A 17 year old boy knows perfectly what he does, not to mention they had only 10 years apart

When the definition of sexual abuse is focused exclusively on the chronological age, other factors are ignored, such as the abuse of power the adult woman, the power asymmetry, the boy’s possible consent doesn’t mean that it is an informed and neutral consent, among other situations that would comprehend coercion, manipulation, emotional blackmail.

With 17 years, full of strength and desires, that teacher was a dream that came true.

It’s urgent to have a shift of this value system based on an informed cultured where the notions of sexual abuse are not fed on myths and false beliefs, but based on the responsibility that adults have towards children and youngsters , as well in the well-being of the victims. About male abuse abuse, there are still several values that are obstacles to the therapeutic process. Those myths are not exclusive to male survivors, but are ideas and prejudices that are shared amongst the society itself and that affect how male survivors can reach support.

ROLE REVERSAL

In some cases, when there’s the possibility of switching female teacher to a male teacher abusing a female student, we see that there’s a change of heart facing the very same situation. There’s people who believes that in these situations are in fact cases of sexual abuse, revealing that there’s a double standard in the way people perceive situations of abuse, based on what is expected a boy to be and to act.

I was born to be unlucky, what a pity she wasn’t my teacher.

It’s fundamental to inform the general public to create awareness about male sexual abuse, so we can have informed people with the knowledge of the real depth of what male abuse is.

  • info: www.quebrarosilencio.pt