How to live happily only eating granola
(and yoghurt)

We all love a good “granola & yoghurt” (G&Y) for breakfast. It’s not just about the food anymore; for some of us it has become a sacred ritual. Rising from the bed, zombiing to the kitchen and reaching for this tall heavenly box next to your pasta. Filling a bowl with the crunchy delight, three big spoons of yoghurt and a world of unlimited happiness opens up to you. It’s the only moment of the day when you feel like “Yeah, life’s not that bad”. And you know you’ve got to enjoy it while it lasts.

But wait, what if you had four times the fun?

Society and medias dictate the way we should eat; G&W belongs to the breakfast realm, as much as olives belong to aperitivos. We, at Granola for Life (GFL), don’t like stereotypes and square boxes. So we made a little experiment. V. Srmt (aka “The Red Priestess”) started craving for more and more granola since she (finally) settled down in Paris. In the same fashion “Supersize Me” did, we decided to feed her only G&W, four times a day for a month. Breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner. You wouldn’t believe the results.

Mindblowing. These results were found after rigorous and thorough statistics were applied to our clinical trials. The subject even craved for more. If we hadn’t stopped buying yoghurt, she would have continued the experiment endlessly. The effects were described as “sheer happiness”, as the one experienced while under the effect of ecstasy/MDMA.

We simplified the modelisation into its mathematical formula, which is as follows:

The ressearch we conducted could have a major impact on people’s lives. What if instead of bullets, we put oatmeal in our guns? What about feeding students with raw almonds so they can be happy about their studies? Or even building platforms for sharing locally grown and hand-processed granola in neighborhoods. The possibilities are endless to help make a better world. But V. Srmt warns us about one downfall, which is not to be underestimated “Once you start eating it, you won’t be able to stop, unless you control the intake frequency. It can become a vicious circle; the pleasure you feel is so great, that when you eat something else, the world seems dull in comparison. So you start taking more. And more. I know some people who were fucked up because of it”. Balance is the key. Consume responsibly.

Now what is the next step for us?

Although the correlation we found between granola intake and happiness can be applied to the general population, we’d like to push our studies further and set the lights on differences between groups; what about gender equality and racist jokes?