UNDERSTANDING TIME IN RELATIONSHIPS

Nicole Hamilton
Oct 11, 2016 · 3 min read

I’m sitting in my cozy brownstone apartment in Brooklyn listening to Neyo — Because Of You, when I start smiling about a guy I think I’m dating (It’s confusing in New York City so cut me some slack). Ironically what I’m thinking about that guy, relates somewhat to one of my favorite old songs by Neyo, Time. Time was a favorite in high school and I ‘felt’ it then, but the way I feel about time in general has changed. Grown. And I think that I now have the best understanding of it, as we all do when we take a walk in different shoes.

In my past relationships, I’ve never had a serious ‘boyfriend’ for more than 2 years. I’ve always had friends who had been with guys and girls for much longer. They’d gone through breakups, or stayed in on and off relationships for years on end. I had multiple guys leave me or cheat on me with their exes because “they had put in too much time”. Naturally I grew to hate the excuse of time. I hated when people used it as an excuse for staying with someone or going back to them. When I look back, I can see how the time excuse disgusted me. It was nothing more than just that. An excuse.

This also turned me into someone who never had sympathy when people brought up time. I thought SO WHAT! People get married, have kids together, then get divorced after 15 years and they move on. So you can too. We all could as far as I was concerned. And in defense of my younger self, I truly believed in being heartbroken and then loving whole heartedly, and fearlessly again. Because I’d done it. I had to.

But as I got older and debatably wiser, I realized time is everything. I realized that while time can be a crutch, it can also be the strongest foundation of a relationship. As a woman, time is what has given me the very quality that I value most in myself: patience. Time has also given me the confidence and certainty that I have nothing to prove. Time is security. Time is knowing without a shadow of a doubt, your dues are paid. Time is growing and evolving into an entirely different person, and embracing someone else as they do the same. Time is genuinely forgiving and thanking god for forgetting. Time is trust. Time is emotional maturity. Time is being honest with a straight face and light heart. Time is believing in soul mates and also in the love you’ve been given. Time is learning to love past all limits and without conditions. Time is curling perfectly into someone and knowing that nothing and no one could ever quite take your place. Time is watching and feeling someone’s body change and realizing it before they do. Time is anticipation of another’s needs. Time is communicating effectively without speaking. Time is finding house keys in 20 minutes in a pile of dirty/clean clothes that someone has been “looking” for, for over a month. Time is accepting your chosen life partner, is actually a big baby. Then loving them more for it. ;) Time is never having to worry.

Time is Priceless.

This article was inspired by Sherri + Kevin Hamilton, Meghan + Blaine Cockrell, Tess + Brandon Boykin, Jennifer + Bear Woods, Lauren + Cory Luckie, Kiley + Cornellius Williams, and many more.

Thank you for putting in the time. ❤️

Nicole Hamilton

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Nicole is a writer based in New York City. Keep up with her published work and short stories on adecadeintheweeds.com.