He’s not going

Today has been rough. His son moved across country with his mother today to finish out his last 2 years of HS. All I’ve been doing is crying, it’s emo for me because he was my rock in the house. I looked forward to when the son was home, it broke up our tension.

Last week, he told me he would check-in to treatment Monday, June 6th at 8am. After leaving for the airport I have not heard from him. I’ve text and called him several times, no answer, still, it’s been 3 hours. I think he went to score drugs, yesterday we found out his license was suspended and drugs are the only thing that would make him drive dirty.

I thought I could live with him after treatment. I can’t, I also can’t tell him until he enters, if he ever goes. I am constantly trying to convince myself that he is different from other drug users. Who am I kidding, I don’t know anyone else who uses. I believe every word he says only to be disappointed sometimes seconds later.

My health insurance has a crisis hotline. I called them today to see how schedule an appointment with a therapist. They gave me a few numbers, I will call on Monday.

Friday, we had to drop the son of at the beach. On the way home he said, “You don’t have to stay through this with me you know.” I was gobsmacked. What is he talking about, this morning it was, “Thank you for being there for me, if you weren’t who would be.” Are these games, lies, is this manipulation?

I can’t take the stress anymore. I’m ready to be happy.

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