Exhibit of Revision Process

Finding Her Identity: The Importance of the License in Curtis Sittenfeld’s “Gender Studies”

For my first piece, I looked over my essay and then went back and reread the short story, “Gender Studies.” I tried to find instances where I could let the text speak for itself in order to provide textual evidence for the points I was making. By doing this, I was able to eliminate several sentences of bland summaries, and replace them with quotes from the text. I then went back and proofread everything several times in order to eliminate all the grammatical errors that I missed the first time around. Once I was pleased with the content of my essay, I decided to move it onto Medium so I could add pictures and take advantage their editing features. By doing this, I made my essay look more like an article someone would want to read in a magazine.

Below I have highlighted a few of the changes that I made to my piece (The Bold is all new/edited material):

She sees Luke enter the lobby, and notices that “he’s not wearing the shiny orange polo shirt; he has on dark-gray jeans and a black, hooded, sleeveless shirt. His biceps are very well-defined.” This change surprised her, but nevertheless, she was excited to retrieve her license. She holds out the money, but he waves it off and insists that if she buys him a drink they will be even. Nell had already gone out for dinner and drinks with her colleagues and was more drunk than she had been in eleven years, but she agreed to it anyway. She continues to drink more as the two have meaningful conversation… During the hook up, Luke tells her that she is pretty which makes her feel special again. The author describes Nell’s pleasure by saying, “it crosses her mind to say ‘I love you’ to Luke. That is, in such a situation she can understand why a person would.” Surely she has now found her new identity with him, so she proceeds to ask him for her license back. Continuing to preform sexual actions, he quietly says that he doesn’t have it… “She thinks of him regularly — she thinks of him especially during the Republican debates, then during the primaries, the caucuses, and the Convention — she never initiates contact. She does join Match…she starts dating an architect…Sometimes, when she’s half asleep, she still remembers Luke saying, ‘You’re pretty,’”

Promise Fulfilled: LeBron Returns and Brings a Championship to Cleveland

For my second piece, I mainly concentrated on narrowing the focus of my essay. Originally, I wrote a lot about LeBron’s career as a whole and analyzed almost every game of the NBA finals. In my revised essay, I decided to focus specifically on LeBron’s return to Cleveland and game 7 of the NBA finals. I ended up cutting out several paragraphs of material that was not specifically about “the return” or game 7 and replaced most of those writing with more detail about game 7 of the NBA finals. As a result, my essay was more focused and allowed readers to clearly see what the main message of my paper was. I also went back and proofread my paper for any errors I made while writing.

Below I have highlighted a few of the changes that I made to my piece (The Bold is all new/edited material):

Somehow, the Cavaliers managed to fight their way back in the series and force a game 7. LeBron put the team on his back and brought them to within one game of winning an NBA championship. However, with game 7 being held in Oakland, the Cavaliers knew that it would not be easy to beat the Warriors on their home court. As Cleveland was on their way to Oakland, LeBron reflected on the series up to this point…

Oracle Arena was as loud as it had ever been as Tristan Thompson started off the scoring with an easy layup from underneath the basket. Both teams seemed nervous as players were missing shots that they usually make with ease. You could tell that the players were playing with more emotion than usual as they fought for every lose ball and played unselfishly. After the first quarter, the Warriors began to heat up as they started scoring with ease, but LeBron kept his team in the game. The Warriors were able to pull away a little bit, as they finished the half with a seven-point lead. Draymond Green had the hot hand to start the night as he went five for five from the three-point line and finished the half with 22 points. Meanwhile the splash brother, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson, struggled to make their shots in the first half of the game. LeBron and the Cavaliers entered the locker room trailing the Warriors, but they had been in this position many times before. During halftime, LeBron gave a speech to his teammates saying that it was now or never and that if everyone laid it all on the line then they would be able to win.

The third quarter started and Cleveland began to fight their way back into the game. J.R. Smith was able to make a couple of threes and Kyrie Irving was able to drive to the basket at will. LeBron was in control of the offense as he recorded five assists in the quarter, which helped his team tie the game. The Cavaliers were able to outscore the Warriors in the third quarter and it became evident that the game was going to come down to the wire. The fourth quarter started and the Warriors had a 76–75 lead. The scoring between the two teams remained even and with two minutes left, the game was still tied. Curry got the ball on a fast break and passed it ahead to Andre Iguodala. It looked as if he had an easy dunk that would put the warriors in the lead, but LeBron flew out of nowhere and swatted the ball off the backboard. Ultimately, it was one of the best blocks of all time and it will likely be one of the defying moments in LeBron’s career. The block preserved the tie and gave Cleveland the ball back. With just under a minute left, Kyrie Irving pulled up right in front of Stephen Curry to hit the go ahead three. The score was now 92–89 and the pressure was on Golden State. After a defensive stop, Cleveland was looking to add to their lead. Irving found LeBron cutting to the basket for a dunk, but Draymond Green fouled him hard. As LeBron went flying to the floor, he landed awkwardly on his wrist causing him to roll around in pain. Cleveland fans sat in silence as their sports hero laid on the floor in agony. After a few minutes, LeBron was able to get up and make his way to the free throw line where he made one of his two attempts. The Cavaliers now had a four-point lead, and with only six seconds left, the Warriors had one last chance to make a big play…

Play for Pay: Controversies with Money In Sports

For my third essay, most of my revising was formatting and organizing my essay on Medium. I went back and edited how I formatted my titles and authors for each article. I relocated most of my quotes and made them easier to read through formatting. It is very important to create a piece that is pleasing to the reader’s eye. Besides from reformatting my essay, I spent lots of time proofreading for any grammatical errors that I noticed. I also rearranged some of my sentences so they were clearer. This revision process was much different from my other ones, because I didn’t have to change much of the content within the essay.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.