Day 7: Damn Commies take Manhattan

This article guest written by Alex Jones:

YOU KNOW WHAT? Those damn liberal commies in New York are back. They’re liars, ladies and gentlemen. They told you they were dead, but they’re not. What do you even call something like that? I know: Bolshevism. And on top of that, just like you’d expect from those welfare-draining non-gun-owners, they were too lazy to write their own article, so they asked me to do it for them.

[94 seconds of unintelligible wheezing/grunting noises]

And so it seems that, the day after we last heard from them, these so-called ‘M-Unionists’ headed into that bastion of decay that the lizard-people in charge call “sophisticated.” That’s right, folks, I’m talking about the “Museum” “of” “Modern” “Art.” Now as best I can tell, the sole purpose of this expedition was for Belluk to take a whitegirl picture in front of a white canvas. This is what our world has come to, folks.

Now I should probably take a minute to detail to you, my loyal listeners, about the conspiracy, perpetrated by the “M-Unions” to take over Manhattan and turn it into their gun-free, non-freedom-loving, healthcare-having hellhole. It appears as though they have an entire army living in some sort of bunker deep in a land called “Brook-Lynne” (sounds like some sort of white girl to me), and they’re gonna use this army to literally take Manhattan, put it in their backpacks, and cart it back to Canada. CANADA!! Folks, I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I am not making this up.

So anyways, the next stop on their US Hegemony Tour was the Strand Bookstore. I don’t know why anybody would ever read a book, let alone want to be surrounded by thousands of them, but these “M-Unionists” seem to have some crazy ideas. So they began walking towards this “book-store,” only — and folks, can we expect any better from them? — to be distracted by a smaller bookstore right beside the strand.

At this point I’d like to take a minute to talk about one of my favourite supplements: SnekPlus+™. It has all of the benefits of snake oil, but without those leftist natural, organic and noncarcinogenic parts. It’s how I stay so masculine, all the time™.

So after that, these little maggots decide they want to see a movie, but all the theatres are full, so they DON’T. What kind of red-blooded American would do such a thing. I tell ya, folks these guys are RED-blooded. Wait…

After that they went for some falafel (FALAFEL!!!) which they say was delicious and returned to their “SLUMBERPARTY.” There ya have it folks, a day in the life of some liberal scum.

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