The Dark Side of My Father
A glimpse from the past
I was minding my own business, catching up on what’s happening in my city when I see a story that catches my eye, “Keith Mills Climbs Back to Top Sportscaster Status.” The Baltimore Magazine was featuring this article on their homepage. (http://www.baltimoremagazine.net/2011/9/keith-mills-climbs-back-to-top-sportscaster-status)
It took my breath away. I clicked on the link and was swept into the past seeing a picture of my dad.
“After his drug arrest and rehab, Keith Mills climbs back to top sportscaster status — while trying to make amends with his kids.”
This experience was the hardest moment of my life. I am still working through those traumatic years back in 2006.
That article was written three years ago and I am happy to see the growth our family has made.
The moment changed me, unfortunately for the worst. But, through love and support of friends and family, I have battled back for my sake and my dad’s sake. He deserves forgiveness for what happened and I am happy to share in his success today.
I don’t remember my day-to-day life during this time, but one day replays in my head constantly. Thanksgiving day. I don’t remember what year and it isn’t all that important. My dad is away at a facility recovering from a drug addiction.
I wait patiently beside my mom who is talking to my dad on Thanksgiving morning. All I wanted to do that day was see my father and wish him a happy thanksgiving in person and tell him everything would be okay.
Finally, my mom hands me the phone and I hear my dad's voice — the same voice I have heard my entire life. He answers and I wish him a happy thanksgiving. He offers me thanks in return and I ask him if I can come to see him today. What exactly was said, I’m not really sure, but the message was he did not want me to come see him on Thanksgiving. Tears welled in my eyes and I gave the phone to mom, “He doesn’t want to see me,” I said walking away. That was the moment we both broke. The trust between us was lost on that day, the shame of my father too great to bear seeing his kid on thanksgiving day in rehab. It is a grim moment in my life, but one of those moments I will never forget.
I often hear people say they wouldn't change a thing because those experiences made them exactly who they are today. While I am happy in my life, this is a moment in time that I wish I could change.