The Eloquent Trump: An experiment in political speech writing

When Donald J. Trump takes the stage, many long-time (and even short-time) political speechwriters often cringe at the verbiage spilling forth from the businessman’s bouche. Earlier this year, former Obama speech writer, Jon Favreau penned (in what was likely a painful experiment as a writer) a “glimpse of what the Republican front-runner will likely sound like should he win the nomination.” Building on the innovative approach to Trump’s communication style that Favreau took in his piece, I have decided to venture into the unknown and attempt my own, likely regrettable, writing experiment on the Republican front-runner.

While Donald Trump might currently hold a lead in delegates and a lead in many polls in his race to secure the Republican nomination in the 2016 Presidential election, one thing most will agree, is that Trump’s off-the-cuff approach to public speaking lends itself to fits of bombastic riffs and grandiose claims that irk the ears and writing nerves of those with experience composing political addresses more aligned with Shakespeare’s artful sonnets. While none will likely confuse Donald Trump’s speaking style with the more eloquent nature of past major-party Presidential candidates, this piece, will attempt to do the impossible, and translate a speech given by Trump after his victories on Super Tuesday into the unrecognizable, the refined, the sophisticated, the Eloquent Trump.

Original speech can be found here. And please note, I am merely acting as a translator in this post and do not support the message of the original speech.

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The Eloquent TRUMP: “Thank you very much. I greatly appreciate your unwavering support.

This evening is absolutely splendid. At present, we have exceeded our expectations and secured victory in five states and it appears that throughout the night we could expand upon that figure.

It has been unquestionably tremendous.

I would like to applaud the efforts of Senator Cruz on accomplishing a well-deserved victory in Texas. I do believe that Senator Cruz expended a considerable measure of energy and resources and I would like to recognize Senator Cruz for this. Senator Cruz’s victory in Texas was an excellent victory.

Fellow citizens, we are going to return this great nation to its past glory. Once again, I must proclaim that we are going to return this nation to its past glory.

I recently obtained a viewing of Secretary Clinton’s latest address, and among other items, Secretary Clinton discussed the downward trend in compensation, and how it reflects a weightier issue at hand for the nation writ-large. With that stated, Secretary Clinton has been at the forefront of the policy discourse for several decades and the dilemma only appears to escalate with each passing day. The quandary presented to the American people is whether the former Secretary could prevail over this predicament in only four years. Instead, the state of the nation would continue to face a steep decline in its standing. I am confounded by the Secretary’s statements affirming her desire to rebuild America’s internal rapport. I have concluded that we are going to return this great nation to its past glory, which will far exceed rebuilding America’s internal rapport.

I contend that this evening was lively and stimulating. Furthermore, it is wonderful to deliver this address from Mar-A-Lago in the exceptional state of Florida alongside companions, colleagues, members of the credentialed press, and others.

Through communication with my advisors, I have been informed that another of my political opponents, Senator Marco Rubio, did not receive much positive news regarding the election this evening, even after Senator Rubio drained significant reserves of funds leading up to these events. As I have previously mentioned on several occasions, Senator Rubio is an insignificant figure in this race. Would you venture to speculate the next steps for this campaign? I, with my robust campaign staff, will spend considerable stretches in Florida. According to the latest public polling available, I currently command a lead of approximately 20 points over the next closest opponent within my party in Florida. Gauging the information provided to me, I have been apprised that numerous organizations, government affairs firms and specialists, representatives of special interests, and others that would prefer to exert direct influence over Senator Rubio’s campaign, are outlining activities costing between $20 million and $25 million designed to improve the Senator’s stature within his the very state he represents in the Senate. I see no further reason to be concerned by these developments, especially as the Senator will have then ceded oversight of his campaign to his various nefarious donors. Regardless of the extensive assistance he receives from his funders, Senator Rubio will not prevail in the race, although, we will continue to watch the developments within the state and as mentioned, will spend considerable time in Florida prior to the conclusion of the state’s contest.

Another victory for our campaign recently occurred in the state of Virginia, which was an even more rewarding triumph in my opinion, due to the closeness I feel towards the state and my substantial investment history within the state, which parallels investment efforts in the state of Florida. I would like to reiterate, for those who may not be aware or have since forgotten, that the Trump Organization employs thousands of hard-working employees in many locales across the state, including Miami, Doral and Mar-A-Lago, among several other locations. Attending this event tonight are a few of the staff members I had discussed and they have been strongly encouraging our efforts within this state.

In addition to the numerous company representatives working throughout America, it is worthwhile to mention that the organization has a global reach as well. While at the helm of the company, I have been pleased to witness its steadfast development.

The evolution of our company has been recognized by several journals of renown and I plan to utilize the skills gained through this experience to provide a similar blueprint for this nation. I believe wholeheartedly that our country is genuinely strained. Turning the attention towards an issue of particular importance, it is my opinion that America has surrendered on various occasions in the business dealings, including in trade discussions with the nation of China. I do not place blame squarely on China for these circumstances, as it results from a competence and intelligence gap at the leadership level. With an experience businessperson governing, the country will no longer attempt to validate trade deficits of $400 billion and $500 billion, which are difficult to sustain. With my expertise and the business knowledge of my colleagues, we will reevaluate and alter any existing pacts to the benefit of our nation.

If one analyzes the current state of our relationships with our neighbors, the country of Mexico, it is difficult to come to the conclusion that we are sufficiently securing our border crossing. Additionally, Mexico has recently benefited from an upswing in economic development, attracting several American companies’ interest and enticing them to relocate facilities to their country. Recent examples of this include Carrier Corporation, Ford, and Nabisco, which have transferred operations from America to Mexico. In order to prevent this from continual recurrence, I will promulgate policies that will produce employment opportunities at previously unimaginable rates.

Likewise, I have released a proposal to lessen the tax burden on Americans that several well-known economic analysts have suggested are far superior to the fiscal plans promoted by my opponents. I will place additional emphasis on one group that I believe

Those in the middle-class will forthright see a considerably lessened responsibility in providing revenue to cover government expenses. A portion of the electorate of this nation has been greatly ignored, even though this populace played a crucial role in the development of this nation that many have come to adore.

The business community will also be privy to lower tax rates, as it is essential to review the current state of our country’s relationship with business, which includes physically exporting employment to foreign countries. Previously in this nation, corporations would move between states to gain financial advantages, such as uprooting operations from New York to Florida, or from New Jersey to other regions, but now, we are seeing greater corporate flight to international competitors, including the news of Pfizer’s upcoming shift to Ireland. This concept is a momentous alteration in the status quo and a reversal of previous norms, as the United States were the recipient of positive attention from the international business community as a desired landing spot for companies. Under no circumstances, should America permit this from occurring.

Of the numerous jobs that this country has sacrificed in the name of economic transformation, the manufacturing industry has faltered greatly, losing upwards of millions of positions and several thousand of plants, factories, and warehouses. Once again, this is another example of how under the current Administration’s policies, we have failed to succeed.

One anecdote I often retell is of a companion of mine that worked in the excavation business, that would once only order products from Caterpillar, but switched his business orders to Komatsu products from Japan, as the devaluation of the Yen made it difficult for American companies to stay competitive. I think, as with many of you, that this should not be the case and under a Trump Administration, that would not be the case.

The United States has the upper hand in international trade as a result of the unprecedented source of exports across the world, which provides us with the power to push for better deals. The issue at hand is that currently, our elected officials are not well-skilled and have not dedicated stringent enough efforts to ensure success.

When this campaign kicked off on June 16th, at Trump Tower, arriving via escalator alongside my wife, Melania, under the bright glare of the cameras, many of which are here tonight, it reminded me of the blanket of cameras and lights at the Academy Awards.

One important virtue required to run for the Presidency is courage and as you are aware, this is the first time I’ve attempted to run for President, despite my gratuitous list of other titles, including job-producer. I felt absolutely compelled to run given the poor state of international deals, including the Iran deal recently signed and the depleted armed forces, which will be strengthened under my regime to ensure that countries worldwide do not tempt to engage with us militarily.

It is an amazing honor to have all of you join me tonight. Lastly, I will remain at this podium and if desired, will answer any questions from the press present.

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