How to Talk to a Sexually Ambiguous Sphere of Pure Energy
Have you ever seen a mysterious sphere of pure energy and loudly blurted out a pickup line in its general direction, regardless of social cues and your simple molecular structure? If so, you are probably a monster who feels entitled to the attention and affections of all manner of life, including potentially supernatural entities. Here is some destructive advice to feed into your ridiculous notions of selective politeness.
The thing about a sphere of energy is that it has no eyes. It also has nothing that warrants your invasion of its personal space, but you are probably going to make yourself known and superficially interested anyway because, why not? Your way of thinking is so commonplace and consistently reinforced that it must be a challenge for you not to think that a glowing manifestation of transcendent energy is a part of your romantic narrative. Go for it.
Despite its lack of eyes and discernible gender, a sphere of pure energy will never be wearing something socially obstructive like a pair of headphones (known barriers to your fulfillment). Where would said headphones even sit? Spheres of energy have no ears on which to hang headphones. That’s a bonus for you because you usually just want to talk at someone and force them to feign interest lest you get “persistent.”
As a known monster, you typically give yourself such a green light to convey your imagined hardships and manufactured charm. In the event that you intentionally encounter a sphere of pure energy, you’ll probably want to talk extensively about how strange and exotic this experience is for you (the experience of winning over said sphere, of course). The only protocol when encountering someone or something foreign is to make said person or thing extremely aware of your shallow fascination. This is appealing and not uncomfortable at all.
Keep in mind that this sphere could be a gateway to another dimension or a supernatural weapon designed to expose and consume the darkest depths of your soul. You don’t know its experience and its intentions, so you should value those. you should respect the power of the sphere, but knowing you you’ll only do that within the context of self-preservation. Your sense of empathy is flexible and self-serving. This is why you’re so mysterious and confident in social interactions.
There is a very real possibility that you are a fragile being in a world you should not assume to understand or claim as your playground. There is also a significant chance that you may come off as threatening, predatory, obnoxiously rude, impatient, and violent if you feel like a sphere of energy or really any person/thing needs to bend to your desires and whims. You probably aren’t thinking about those odds because you literally never have to think about them according to your disgustingly privileged worldview, but it’s worth noting.
Happy hunting! (By the way, it’s really disturbing that you use that term when describing romantic pursuits. you may want to think about revising that.)
