Falling Down, Feeling Pain, and Getting Up
I have been one of the lucky volunteers to be placed in a community of loving, generous, fun, and incredible people who have taken me in as one of their own, or at least their own white boy. I have heard stories of pain, struggles, and hurt, but I have also seen those people get back up and face the world head on. Inspiring. Unfortunately, I have to be one of those stories as well.
On February 13, I received a message from one of my bosses informing me that I will have to move sites. I’m going to have to leave my home, my family, and my incredible community. I have developed friendships with these people and unfortunately I am no longer able to a part of their world. This hurts more than my worst breakup, and I’ve never been more numb and at a loss than now. I found a place that we all search for; the place where you belong. Now I have to leave it.
I remember reading a blog post of somebody in the Peace Corps before I made it down here to Belize, who unfortunately had to go through this same issue. I remember them writing about how hard it was to leave their community and move to a new one, and how they had every emotion running through them. I told myself I would never be in that situation, and here I am.
There are no proper words to describe the emotions I am feeling. It’s going from a place where you fit in and always have someone who has your back and is looking out for you to having no home and being alone. Alone. Very alone. Fortunately, I’ve had some incredible people in my cohort who have stepped up and have made sure I’m doing alright.
All I can say to my community is simply thank you. Thank you for opening your arms and taking a chance on this crazy red head, and allowing me to do my best impersonation of a bush man. Thank you for being some of the best people and best friends that I could call my own. I’m sorry our time got cut short. My time there will never be forgotten.
The stories I heard from my lovely Kriol friends and family had rough spots that no one should ever go through, pain that would break any man’s heart, but they always find a way to get up and keep moving forward. I have no choice but to do the same. I came here with a purpose. I came here to make a change and impact as many lives as I can, to share love with anyone who needs it, and hopefully be able to teach someone a quarter of what I’ve been taught along the way here. I still have this opportunity.
On Tuesday I will be moving to a new community that is hopefully excited to have me, and I get to start over. All of these things are out of my control and I have only one possible thing to do. Get back up. I am going to give all my heart and love to my new home, and make the best of a really rough situation. I am extremely fortunate to have a new home this quickly, and a family that wants to open their doors for me. I will never be able to understand the generosity of these people here who are willing to open their doors for a stranger and treat them like family. They are taking a chance on me, and I will not let them down. I need to move forward but I will never forget the people in that beautiful village that got me through those 6 months of service. They will forever be my family. At the top you see Miss Thelma, who has become my Belizean mother, and has always made sure that I ate until my belly was full, and Fredmond and Camryn who will forever be my younger siblings. Not pictured is my host dad, Dan, who has showed me how to live in the bush, and has always included me on little adventures that I would never had the opportunity to do so without him. Also, Ashdell, my new older brother, who from the first moment has put me under his wing and made me always feel welcomed. Also not pictured are the faces of all the brilliant people who helped change my life. I only have love for all of them. They’ve truly given me more than I could ever give to them.
On to the next adventure.