The Necessity of Caring for Ourselves
It’s stressful out there, y’all. The world we inhabit has been carefully engineered to keep us on edge, focused on irreconcilable differences and unsolvable needs rather than rational discourse and practical abundance. You can’t turn on the news without being uncomfortably confronted with record breaking catastrophes, purposeful incompetence, and existential dread. It’s enough to drive us all mad!
So it’s no surprise that a major factor underpinning six of the leading causes of death in this century is stress and anxiety. We’re literally working and worrying ourselves into early graves. And that’s just those of us that are paying attention!
But not all of us are content to just watch the world burn. Some of us decide to do more. There are many who see these crises and dedicate themselves to their resolution. It’s a beautiful thing, when a person decides to stop taking other people’s word for what’s going on, but motivate themselves and their crew to go help make things better.
Unfortunately, few of us took the class in school for how to keep it together when the “shit hits the fan”. While we may have the instincts passed down from our ancient ancestors for how to react to crisis, it’s unlikely our immediate relatives or teachers had the wherewithal or opportunity to give us the practical skills and techniques for navigating the extremely hazardous terrain of a major catastrophe. Quite the opposite; many of us inherited, for better or for worse, habits and “coping mechanisms” that are downright counterproductive when the walls are all blown down and people are counting on you to keep it together.
Which is the purpose of this article- I’ve witnessed over the last decade and a half thousands of professional and volunteer relief and recovery workers and how they held up in the crucible that is a disaster zone. Some were able to stick it out for months and even years. Most had to extricate themselves within a few days, for a variety of reasons. Even those fortunate to have the spare time and financial means to stick around long term frequently burnt out in a fraction of the time they’d initially committed. Burn-out, substance abuse, and PTSD are constant demons haunting the recovery community.
So what’s the answer? I’m not sure I have it. I’m not a psychologist… though I am an amateur anthropologist. From my personal experience, the wise guys and gals who paced themselves, connected meaningfully with the locals, took regular breaks, and remembered to have fun lasted the longest and had the most impact. The “stress cases” so focused on getting everything right immediately at the expense of themselves and their relations burn out in days. The ones having bonfires, singing, dancing, cooking, and reveling with the people they’re there to help, they came out on the other side more whole and fulfilled.
And that’s emergent collective care. Those opportunities present themselves periodically, and any relief worker would do well to take advantage. But what about creating your own opportunities to heal? Self care is a whole different animal. Taking a weekend off, going home to your friends and family, getting a haircut or a mani-pedi, taking a spa day, or taking time for solitude can feel gratuitous in the context of a disaster. But in actuality, it’s the opposite. If you don’t make the time to take care of yourself, you’re going to be lousy at taking care of others.
Because that’s what it’s about, right? If you’re going for the accolades, or to feel better about yourself, you’re going to be let down in the end. It’s really about the people you’re going to help. Being in service. Actually listening to the locals and their visions and dreams for the future can be edifying in more ways than you can count. Being there as friends and allies, not self righteous saviors is the way to go. But to do that you need to practice some humility and give yourself permission to care- starting with caring for yourself.
Pretty soon you might start realizing that the world is actually getting better, not worse, and you’re part of the reason why.
