Mercury, Passage Two
Charlie Homerding

Your story’s wonderful so far, full of surprises and suspense, which gives the readers plenty to entertain. However, I suggest you give more detailed explanations in the first part since you don’t elaborate in the second. Why does Mercury have to go to the cave? Why is the cave so dangerous? What are some rumors surrounding it? Are the witches guarding the cave good or bad? What’s the problem with Mercury’s family? And what is the Coalition? Please give clearer definitions so readers can follow you better.

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