Terrific Traffic
Welcome to London — Episode 10
London. Thursday. 6.50 am. Cancelled. My word of the day — dancing across the display in happy orange letters.
I am at the train station in West Hampstead in the early morning. My alarm woke me earlier than usual. Then instead of arriving at some point in time in the office, I have to go to a conference today and that brings a fixed schedule.
Afraid of missing the train I even calculated extra time to get ready and left the house just about right. With more than enough buffer, I walked down the staircase to the platform and here I am now, good to go and no train until the far horizon …
I should have been expecting that. I take the train every day and eventually got used to the delays.
I always wondered why my home country, Germany, has such a good reputation for its railways. Our trains are super expensive and late all the time. But since I moved to England, I completely get it. At least ours show up, eventually.
British trains are complete divas! Mimimi, it’s too hot. Mimimi, it’s too cold. Eww, it’s a bit rainy today. Yikes, there are leaves on my tracks, it’s too slippery …
There are excuses for every occasion, literally.
But patiently we accept the last minute cancellation and minor and even major delays, as there is no alternative.
Well, there is always my motorbike, but as much as I enjoy the ride it is definitely more hassle to put on the cloth and the helmet and go through the traffic, then to sit down on the train and read a book until I arrive — plus my hairstyle is not completely ruined.
Anyway, on the bike, I am exposed to the elements — considering your trains are already too feeble to run, it is really no pleasure on an average day in Britain.
But besides comfort, it offers plenty of advantages. A lot of cars honk when I slip between them, skipping the queue. But I know they just envy me, flying through the thick traffic of London’s roads, while they barely move within the hour. And if you are completely honest — you would do the same.
I love to ride the bike, but I got into some really bad habits since I moved from the countryside into the city, although I still believe I am a decent driver.
I don’t exceed the speed limit — as far as I can judge with my dashboard showing kilometre instead of miles and thinking of it, I am not always certain when I am restricted to 70 or 60 or 50 … I drive at a good pace, let’s say.
And I don’t perform risky stunts to be that half second earlier at the red light than everyone else. When I see those rogue delivery guys on their stud scooters, I can only shake my head in despair.
And then they complain, that car drivers have no sense of motorbikes and are driving inconsiderate — usually, the same guys who drive like absolute lunatics causing more trouble than anything else and are most likely to have an accident which will be their own fault in 90% of the cases. And I say that as a biker! I am the one being vulnerable, so I have to think for all the idiots around me, too.
It’s not worth it to break your neck to be faster. And normally it doesn’t even work out. The way takes the time it takes. If you rush you might be half a minute quicker, what is definitely in no relation to your adrenaline level and the stress you experience in the traffic on the speed limit. Or you can drive considerate, take your time and watch out. Your health insurance should benefit that as prevention training.
Traffic is just a thing people complain about for no reason. We live in London, there is only so much you can do about it. So you can swear behind the steering wheel and curse every person on the planet, or just sing along with the radio — nothing is going to change and guess what makes you feel better. I just ride with delight, smirking by the thought of the angry drivers and enjoy myself instead of letting the traffic affect my good mood — hashtag can’t touch this!
Riding a motorbike, however, spoils me for when I am back on my paddle bike. I don’t get the transition to the lack of acceleration. When you think you can easily overtake the bus, which just headed off the bus stop and is still so slow — but it is a hell of a paddle work to “quickly” overtake it.
Buses are my natural enemy. They are just that bit faster than me to overtake me on the straight street so that I can catch up on the next bus stop and overtake them again. So we are trapped in this infinite dance, where it has to creep behind me, or I have to sit behind its exhaustion pipe.
Who did think bicycles can easily drive in the bus lane probably just hates people. Stick a dainty sack of flesh and bones on the same lane as a 16-feet metal beast — what could possibly go wrong?
And then there are SUVs. The scourge of humanity in all the meanings of the word. Honestly, what for could you need an all-terrain vehicle in a city like London?
Is it the four-wheel drive for the half inch snow, two days a year? Even a Renault Twizy can handle these mountains, you might call the humps when the street got a hick-up.
And the 70mph speed limit is a scoff to a 300hp engine — not that you’ve ever been able to drive that fast on the winded, single lane country roads with that clumsy 3-ton monster.
It must be a pleasure to rank through halting three-lane traffic in the rush hour and really easy to find a suitable parking slot. No offence — at least you feel safe, right?
I totally get, that you need your SUV when you drive with your German shepherd to your hunting lodge or you own a couple of acres of forest to look after. But if you’re just trying to show off — sorry, that will backfire. If there is no hitch for your yacht trailer, I’m not buying it.
Still staring at the display at the train station I consider my options.
Surely they will understand when I slip into the conference room with a groan and mutter half loud: “Traffic …”
So I sit down at the bench, take my book from my backpack and wait in all peace of mind for the next train.
To every Thameslink commuter — Bon voyage (if possible).
Leave a clap for me, if you liked it :)
