How it feels to be in a queer relationship in a country that is quite homophobic.

I am sure reading this title will make many people from India and part of the community go, “can relate!” or most of us are not even out to the public or people close to us, scared of the consequences of coming out may follow. Religious sentiments, the interference of the conservative crowd, and the government play many roles.

In a country where relationships, in general, are wrong, I especially believe that being in a relationship with the same gender is a taboo. A lot many of us must keep our relationships to be secret, or pretend to be best friends. As the old joke goes, “Historians called them best buddies!” It is not actually a stereotype.

Being in a WLW relationship myself, I know how it feels when the elder people consider us sisters or best friends. Honestly, it is quite frustrating but the dire consequences faced when the person turns out to be homophobic are even more scary. My partner and I have been together for more than a year and we hope to get married but getting married in this country would mean we would not ever officially be.

Although Section 377 mentions gay sex is legalized, does not mean the same sex marriage is recognized legally. A lot of people from the community, including me, feel very distressed about it. And even though people are more open minded now than before, it still needs to be kept in mind that being part of the community has only been decriminalized in the Indian Society for 4 years now. Legally, that is. Socially, it is still not accepted and considered a taboo.

I remember me coming out to my partner for the very first time. I had not come out but she noticed the pride flag in my Instagram Bio and had questioned me. I remember being panicky and thinking what the reaction would be. I remember trying to come out to my parents and I had to write a letter because I could not speak it out, not wanting to see the rejection on their face for being who I was. Thankfully, both the outcomes had been great and I was accepted for who I was.

But sadly, that was not the case for my partner. So, we had to keep this relationship a secret for a long time. Only when we started our universities, it was easier for her to tell people. We had to calculate how one would react, how one would be able to keep that a secret or not and what if the parents would find out. It was and is still very frustrating because we must pretend to be friends. We must be cautious about how we act until and unless it is just us two or with the people we can trust. It has been very emotionally draining and sometimes it feels as if it would have been easier to follow the heteronormative norms.

Even out in public we see the straight couples or the “normal” couples being together and being accepted and that is honestly something we just wish to be.

That is what most queer couples wish to be. We wish to be accepted and be loved regardless of who we love. And We wish to be open about our relationships and hold hands in public without being shamed for it or assumed that it is inherently platonic. We wish to be not killed or ridiculed for being attracted the same gender.

So, to sum it up, being in queer relationship is challenging, especially in a country that seems to progressing but still has the mindset of ancient times. Although I have been incredibly lucky to get the affection of my significant annoyance, not everyone gets the chance to. It is time that people change their ways of thinking and understand how queer couples are just as important in the society as the heterosexual ones are.

~ Nico ❤