The #1 Secret Of Getting Your Spouse to Change — Marriage Advice

Often in during the Free Save My Marriage Consultations I run, I get asked “Nicola, how can I get my spouse to change or seek help?”

It is highly likely that when you start on your quest to better your marriage you are going to run into resistance and that will most likely come from the one person you want to change — your spouse.

You will hear MANY excuses…

“Accept me as I am”

”We can fix this on our own.”

“We are beyond help.”

“Marriage counseling is a waste of money and time.”

“Is there any point to it all.”

“I don’t feel like it, my hearts not in it.”

Or perhaps instead of excuses you can just sense that your partner is not emotionally interested anymore, they are not willing to put in the effort. OR WORSE they don’t think anything needs to change. They might think everything is ok while you are desperately unhappy with your relationship. Here is some marriage advice…

You are not alone if any of the above is true for you. I assure you.

I get asked “HOW do I MAKE them change?” so often.

I understand your frustration but you have to listen to the answer so that you can move forward with saving your marriage…here it is!


I know what you may be thinking: “They have to change, I can’t take it any longer.” Or “They should change, when I keep telling them how important it is to me.”Here is the thing.. it is widely believed that we are resistant to change. But this is not true. We change all the time, especially if we have chosen a new path.

If you look closely, it is not change we are resistant to but human nature to not like change when it is IMPOSED UPON US. Now, if we take a moment to reflect on this it becomes so obviously true. When we FEEL FORCED or when we feel we are being manipulated into the change we run a mile. Compared to when we choose to make a change, as then and we are ready to tackle it head on.

And here is the important part! Your spouse has to think change is THEIR idea. They want a great marriage too; no one wants to be miserable or in conflict; they want to change but ONLY if they can initiate it themselves.

Your partner will change when they are good and ready to change and not before. There is nothing you can do to “make” them. The more you push, the more they will turn away. I understand that you don’t want to sit around and do nothing BUT you have to let it be their choice.

I want you to pay attention here! My marriage advice would be to

BACK OFF…give your spouse breathing room if you have been trying to make them change and let’s focus on YOUR change and how you are going to save your marriage.

So, here is what we ARE going to do…

We are going to work on your change and be an inspiring example to your spouse.

“For every positive change you make in your life, something else also changes, for the better — it creates a chain reaction.” Leon Brown

You are going to focus on making positive changes in your life that will reflect in your marriage and create a chain reaction in your partner.

You will show them how your choices make YOU feel about yourself and YOUR marriage.

You will be amazed how quickly they will WANT to join you in making these changes for themselves and then you can BOTH join forces and create a happier, loving marriage together.

When they make the choice it will be ON THEIR TERMS. You are 50% of this equation and if you put in effort you can have a 80% plus influence — so you can have a great impact. I know this as I see the results from those who follow marriage advice.

Start today — start working on being the change you want to see in the relationship and in them.

Think of 3 actions you can take now to show them love, appreciation and care. List them in your phone and make them a daily habit.

From my heart to yours, Nicola

Nicola Beer

Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

Contact or find out more about me at

I specialize in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!

P.S Want some more free Marriage Advice? Get the FREE Report — 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage! And learn

  • The 6 Essential Keys to Keeping a Marriage Happy
  • How to Increase Love, Happiness and Passion in your marriage in less than 2 weeks!
  • How to Motivate and Inspire Your Spouse To Change
  • How to Overcome Past Hurt, Resentment, so You can Rebuild Respect & Trust

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PP.S OR If your marriage is in SERIOUS trouble and you need help now — Book Your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation TODAY

Originally published at on October 9, 2016.