The courage to be you

Nicole Lee
Jul 20, 2017 · 4 min read
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Why is it so hard to share what’s real?

I thought I had it, but then I lost it.

Now I find myself scared of owning my own voice and talking about real stuff.

I had become a bit of a chameleon. Blending in nicely to my surrounds. Being seduced by the vanilla so I wouldn’t stand out. All the while, resisting the pull back to Neapolitan (with a caramel fudge swirl).

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me take you back to where it all began.

I left the corporate rat race nearly nine years ago…

Numbed by the 9–5 hum. The impersonal concrete towers. The morning tea with people who politely inquire about your life without really caring for your answer.

And I found myself not caring back. I wasn’t inspired and I was stressed. Crazy deadlines, pressure, high expectations, never-ending lists — it was a hungry beast to feed. (Sound familiar?)

Then one day I made the choice to leave…

No safety net.

No new job.

No contract or sense of security.

Just me and a knowing that things must be better than this.

Since that day I’ve grown immensely. Learned a lot about myself, my limiting beliefs, my fears and my strengths.

Most importantly I’ve learned to trust my intuition more and more.

I’ve learned to let go of the mind chatter and be okay with dancing with the unknown, finding courage I never thought I owned. Or so I thought…

After I left corporate I started my own business helping people find their way through tough changes within themselves and their businesses. This has been putting food on the table and keeping me entertained. Until recently…

Over the last six months, I’ve felt an increasingly severe tug to start sharing and talking about things that really matter to me.

It’s been a nudge I was too scared to listen to because of my fears. All those years, all that work in understanding myself, still left me with hidden corners in my world I was yet to uncover.

And that is where I met my recent friend…

Judgement.

Ohhh that dirty nine-letter word. I had no idea how much that sucker had a hold of my life, and of my reality.

I didn’t really discover it’s web-like net around me until I tried to push through it. You see, I set myself a goal this year.

I was going to start blogging.

I was going to start talking about real stuff.

Life stuff.

Hard stuff.

Personal stuff.

Fun stuff.

Crazy stuff.

And then I hit a wall.

People will think I’m crazy, I’m boring, not good enough, that I’m rambling. What if what I write is really bad? What if people reject what I’m saying or that biggie… reject me?!

I didn’t appreciate the gravity of it all until I was speaking with my coach Jonas Ellison. Who is amazing by the way. He’s helping me to get out of my way, believe in myself, own my creative flow and just do it. (He also writes a fabulous blog called Higher Thoughts if you’re up for some daily inspiration.)

I was trying to tell him how inspired I was by his actions of blogging daily and how that transformed his life. But as I was talking, I felt an uncomfortable wound and a wave of emotion take over.

Wow…

Really?

Then I really felt the full extent of my fear and of my resistance.

I was waiting until it was perfect, until I felt ready, until I had conquered my fears. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

What I learnt is that there is no perfect time, there is no — I’ll do it when I feel more comfortable, when I feel more prepared. Because guess what — you may not.

What there is — is now!

And so — here I am. Facing my fear. Writing from my heart for the first time in a very long time (maybe ever). Claiming my voice and my power.

Watch out medium. The story begins today. Here I come!

And so can you.

Why not start writing from your heart?

You never know, the world may appreciate it.

Whether it does or not — I can promise you that you will.

So now what…? If this floats your boat and you’re curious to jump on this journey with me, sign up to my blog here. Can’t promise where we’ll end up, but I can say it will be real and fun. And for those who are ready to take that next step — you can read more about Jonas and his blog coaching here.

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Nicole Lee

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Exploring the journey of life on this crazy planet

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