Biblio, the Great Library Genie

Once upon a time, there was a librarian doing some weeding, and it wasn’t the gardening or 420 kind. What is weeding you ask? Well, that’s the term librarians use when discarding books nobody reads! Whaaaa, there are books nobody in a library reads? Believe it or not, yup! It also applies to books that have been severely damaged, whether someone dropped them in the toilet, put ketchup in it, marked the book all over you name it! These are the books that are so physically disgusting, it would be unfair for anyone to have to read or in some unsanitary cases, even lay a finger on next. But don’t worry, those books usually get a replacement copy. The librarian didn’t believe it at first, but after weeding a book that hasn’t been checked out for 10 years for the 20th time, and a book that looked like its pages were used to wipe a baby’s butt, they were glad to be on this epic weeding quest.

And so the librarian found themselves at their desk- dark gray scanner in hand, ready to see which books would be sent off to their doom next. Beep! Beep! Beep goes the red laser. This book is in decent condition, this one is grubby! These can be sent to another branch if they want, and these can go to discard limbo! It was in the middle of all this chaos, accompanied by some heavy metal music the librarian was listening to, that one book, in particular, stood out.

‘The Genie Lamp…’ the librarian pondered at the book’s title. It had to be a fairytale because it was in the fairytale section. There was no author visible on the plain purple cover, no pictures whatsoever. They couldn’t find a barcode and there was no white spinal label to see what the call number even was.

‘Let’s open this!’ they thought. But that was one minuscule decision that had the greatest impact on their life.

As soon as they open the book- dark clouds fill the ceiling and a great big light emanates from the book onto the gray ceiling of the depressing children’s office.

“WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKAWAKA!!” they heard a voice cry out as a blue glowing force flew from the book and into the center of the room.

It was a Genie! The genie was big and blue, like when a patron doesn’t know the name or title of the book, only what the cover looks like! The librarian stared in disbelief for a few seconds.

“I am The Great Genie Biblio! I am a genie that has served librarians and their users for millennia! Tell me poor, pitiful, librarian! What are your three wishes?” The Genie’s voice was melodic and tender.

“Okay, nice prank everyone!” the librarian stood up, looking for any sign of a scheming coworker about.

“If this was a prank, could I do this?” Biblio points to a gardening book on the other side of the room- which then made a champagne popping sound as it immediately turned into a pink tulip!

“…You got me there,” the librarian said. ‘Darn it, only three wishes…’

“You can’t ask for more wishes, and it must be library related!”

“Awwh… can I wish for my student loans to go away?”

“Yes,” Biblio snapped his fingers. “After all, it’s considered professional development.”

“Oh wow… cool! Okay, can you turn my coworker into a taco? He’s a jerk!”

“Consider it done!” Biblio snapped his fingers again. From the circulation desk all the way downstairs, screaming was heard. “What is your last wish, my dear?”

The librarian shrugged and thought about it for a minute. What irritated them the most right now? They could make the library fine-free permanently, get rid of borrowing limits, make DVDs two weeks’ worth… they could do anything both for libraries and to make their job easier!

“I wish to know the location of all the missing library books!” the librarian blurted out.

“You got it girl!” Biblio said as a bright light manifested right before the librarian’s very eyes. The bright light then slowly took the shape of an old-looking pirate map.

“A map of missing library books…” the librarian looked at the top of the map.

“It gives you the location of the nearest missing book, one book at a time, however,” Biblio stated.

“That is… fine with me!” the librarian cheerily replied yet hesitated for a moment there.

The first location was for a book in the library’s men’s bathroom on the first floor. It was for a book called ’69 Flavors’

“If you have any questions, ask the map! Ta-ta, darling!” Biblio The Genie disappeared and with him the book he came from.

The librarian stared at the map. ‘I wonder if I’m gonna get any overtime pay for this!’