My Heart Stopped Breaking

I used to write really good poetry.

And then my heart stopped breaking.

Or more so, I stopped revolving my whole life around relationships. Maybe I grew up a little bit. Maybe I got over it. Maybe my head got a little bigger, my perception a bit broader, who knows. But my poetry suffered.

Disillusionment is the worst. Communication is even harder.

Sometimes it’s impossible to try to get an idea from my head into words or onto paper.. in my head I factor in other people’s perceptions which I think is a type of insecurity. A fallacy or something. It’s more debilitating than it is helpful. “Stop explaining yourself,” I tell myself. But I don’t want to sound like a pompous asshole.

I think the error lies in trying too hard, but I have trouble with mediums. I have trouble with in-betweens… I am an all or nothing kind of gal. I have trouble pacing myself. I run head first at everything, and then I crash.

I’m trying to change that, and I’m trying to get better at certain things, and I’m trying to practice consistency.

I’m trying to meditate regularly, and be grateful, and do yoga, but the truth is most days.. I do nothing. But every day, I try. So here’s an ode to everyone who tries. Don’t stop trying. That’s what the world wants you to do.

I’m a fan of tough love. “Get up off your ass and do it.” “Just do it.” “It’s a matter of decision.” But the truth is: Change is really hard.

Which is funny because I am someone who changes all the time. And somehow stays the same.

So here’s an ode to everyone who lost their poetry, and everyone who still keeps trying. Don’t let the world tell you that it’s time for you to give up. Don’t compare yourself to other people, just keep trying. Eventually, you’ll find your vibe.

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