Dr. Bri Talks Lady Bits interview extras
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Some important takeaways from my interview with Dr. Bri:
Know your own body. This is especially important if you have pelvic pain and want to be intimate with a partner. If you don’t know how to touch yourself with love and bring yourself pleasure, how can you guide someone else? Be patient and gentle with yourself. The body is more likely to tense up if we try to rush things, especially if we have pelvic pain.
Sex does not equal PIV (penis in vagina). Sex can be anything you want it to be. Foreplay can be sex. Kissing can be sex. Sometimes, cuddling can be just as intimate as sex. Try not to have goal-oriented sex (ie sex with a goal of orgasm). It’s okay to work towards certain types of sex if you want to or to strive towards having an orgasm during intercourse (with or without a toy), but try not to consider a lack of orgasm or inability to have PIV sex tonight a failure or disappointment. Intimacy is a journey! An adventure! Have fun and find what works for you in this moment.
Lube is a bedside staple. At some point, lubricant got a reputation for being something that was only needed for menopausal or post-menopausal folks or if something was “wrong” with you (ie you didn’t produce “enough” natural lubrication). LUBE IS FOR EVERYONE! Lube can make sex better whether you’re pre-, peri-, currently, or post-menopausal. It’s especially important if you have pelvic pain and a MUST if you plan to have anal sex (the anus doesn’t provide any natural lubrication like the vagina does).
Avoid lubes with glycerin as an ingredient (it is a type of sugar). Generally, the fewer ingredients the better. Lots of “organic” lubes include botanical or herbal ingredients that may actually cause a reaction in very sensitive vaginas. Some lubes can also be used as daily moisturizers for people with dry vaginal tissues. Sliquid Satin is great for anyone. Sliquid also makes T-Lube, a moisturizer and lube made specifically for trans men or anyone taking testosterone.
If you have pelvic pain, CBD lube might help! CBD is the part of cannabis that doesn’t get you high. It can act as an anti-inflammatory and promote relaxation in the vagina and pelvic floor. Bella water-based CBD lube is my favorite! Apply/insert 15–20 min before playtime to let the effects kick in.
Anyone can have pelvic pain. Pelvic pain can happen to anyone — people with vaginas, people with penises, nonbinary folks, trans folks, anyone across the LGBTQIA+ spectrum — even kids. It doesn’t matter who you are or who you love. Pelvic pain is one thing that doesn’t discriminate. (Neither do dilators! Did you know they are also used post-gender affirmation surgery to maintain the elasticity of a new vaginal canal?)
As mentioned in the video, our goal was not to sell products or make any sales pitches. I simply wanted to show you some wonderful things that are out there for people who experience pelvic pain. (And are ALL things I’ve personally tried myself!) However, I do want to share links to these products in case you want to learn more or make a purchase (I’m not affiliated with any of these companies and will not be compensated for any potential sales. I do, however, work at Early to Bed, a Chicago-based feminist sex shop, where some of these products are sold.)
Crystal Delights Glass Dilators
Something I forgot to mention, but wish I had: Private Packs! They can cool or warm your private bits. Ahhhhh….
Use code DRBRI at checkout on Early2Bed.com to save 10%
Remember, adding toys to your sexy time activities are meant to enhance your experience, not suggest that something is lacking in you or your partner.
Just because you have pelvic pain doesn’t mean pleasure is impossible or unreachable. You still deserve pleasure, you always deserve pleasure — sexual or not.
