The Acquaintance

Nicole Dyer
Nov 4 · 3 min read

…their unsolicited advice & my unsolicited advice.

Photo by Nicole Dyer

I ran into an acquaintance and engaged in a short conversation. I left feeling like, “How are you going to give me unsolicited advice on how I should dress?!”


Let’s back up. So, I do hear myself from time to time dolloping out a spoonful or two of unsolicited advice. I usually don’t realize it though until the very last word in my head has dribbled from my mouth. Yeah, it’s probably a bit too late by then, depending on who I’m talking to. Some people really do want other people’s opinions on how they should live their lives. I’m not one of them, but they do exist.

I gotta tell you though, I would like to make adjustments with that part of myself — NEVER to give unsolicited advice again. Well, maybe not NEVER.

“Hey! Watch out! You’re about to step on a rattlesnake!!!”

That sounds like helpful unsolicited advice to me. But in general, I’d rather find out who you are and from time to time make some suggestions to invoke an additional perspective based on who you are — not on who I am. I’m all about a compliment on whatever it is that someone has going on. But telling someone how they should live their lives — that’s a no-no for me. So why do I find myself doing it??? It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I get this sickening feeling in my gut. And I don’t like receiving unsolicited advice any more than I don’t like giving it.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

So, I’m approached by an acquaintance and complimented on my shirt. I have this thing for exactness, definition, structure, directness, and truthfulness. It makes me a horrible liar. Well, my shirt 👚 was actually a dress 👗 that I had rigged to look like a shirt, inconspicuously tucked into my jeans 👖.

Naturally I felt compelled to bring attention to the truth of what they were actually seeing. I couldn’t leave the conversation with just a polite thank you. No, I had to say, “Oh, it’s not a shirt. It’s a dress and it’s super comfortable.”

The response I got was a stern parental glance followed by, “Ok, I’m taking you shopping!” And therein lies the unsolicited advice. Did I ask for fashion assistance? I did just divulge to you that comfort outweighs function and also that I’m not trying to hide my fashion tweaks, so I must be okay with it. Just let me be.

“I don’t like to shop, at all. And I’m fine with what I have on.” And then I stopped talking. There was an awkward, uncomfortable moment of silence followed up with a round of polite good-byes. One may surmise that this brief, simple encounter would not deserve to be written about. What’s the big deal? Why am I so sensitive to other people telling me who to be, how to dress, and the like? Because I am my own person and the only person capable of living my life. I’m not going to be who someone else feels I should be. So I suppose circumstances arise from time to time in my life not only to further develop my individualism, but also to further develop my ability accept other people for who they are without judging, criticizing, and expecting others to to be like me. Just let people be — including “The Acquaintance”.

Nicole Dyer

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The emotional body is insightful & the imagination is limitless. Doorways to the SOUL...

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