0.2 — Calling
I am quite overwhelmed by the response from posting “my story’ on Facebook. It was something I felt nervous about doing as I know I was letting out a big part of my life that I didn’t want just ANYONE knowing about. I felt timid and more concerned about how people would think about me rather than displaying how God has CHANGED me. But I thank Him for the persistence and discipline. Within 5 minutes of posting it, I was already contemplating deleting it. Maybe it was the realization that for the first time it wasn’t about how many likes I got or the attention I would receive from it (which for a long time was my biggest desire)- My only hope is that my mess was simply just a message for someone who could be going through something merely similar to my experience. If God has the power to transform a broken heart and sinner like me why would someone believe they are any different. My story is going to be published at church as well, I am not sure where yet but wherever it goes I am no doubt that it will speak to someone’s heart.
Sunday evening I witnessed something that absolutely hit me in the gut. Like just thinking about it actually just makes me want to burst into tears- although I think I have ran out because I wept SO HARD. I could’ve done with some eye-drops Monday morning (and perhaps more than 5 hours of sleep) My eyes were definitely struggling to do their one job... but ANYWAYS. Me and my mom were driving home from a long day of church service and Pastor Kang’s prayer gathering where I just felt so touched by the Holy Spirit. This feeling of anxiety and heaviness was replaced with a warmth and comfort. We were just casually driving when out of nowhere I see this homeless man walking in the middle of the road holding a sign. It was almost surprising to see him walking in this certain part of the city because it is very industrial area and the nearest train station is around 20 minutes away. From far away he looked like any rugged and scruffy bearded homeless man but he had a softness about him at the same time. Anyways, as we were pulling closer to him, I started to feel guilty I didn’t have change but it’s actually rare that I ever do. My mom said she didn’t have any either- so I said “I’ll pray for him instead.” As we were parked almost right beside him he looked straight at our car and flashed the brightest smile I had ever seen. And then he waved at us. He only waved at us, as he didn’t even acknowledge the cars in front of us. As soon as he did that I felt like my heart dropped and I immediately started to cry. It was like God was breaking my heart for what breaks his. I have never seen a homeless man with such a gentleness and brightness. Like I cant even explain it.
Pondering on it again later that evening, I am convinced that man was God sent. To say it in the simplest way, it was Jesus in disguise. I have never been that affected, in fact I used to not even look twice at homeless people and judge them instantly.
I think my eyes were definitely opened (although they were just barely the next day — haha) to a new calling. I have such a change of heart. I believe this will open the door to a volunteering opportunity (turning into career) working downtown at the shelter or some “street evangelism” as my mom would say… Whatever it may be, I am ready!