Memento Mori
This post was a speech for my Ice Breaker. It was delivered at OutPost ToastMasters Club.
INTRODUCTION
I open my eyes and adrenaline starts rushing into my body. Wait what’s happening?
I’m in my room, meditating. I’ve been doing this for years. I am mindful of every breath. I know every in and every out.
But today’s different. Something is wrong.
I can’t breath.
I panic. I stand up,walk up to my car and start driving to the office clinic.
CLINIC
I get to the clinic and ask Jayson, the nurse, to get my blood pressure.
Blood pressure monitor straps around my arm. I feel it tightening and I start
hearing my own heartbeat.
I’m on the edge of my seat, praying and hoping he’d tell me that everything is
fine and that it’s normal.
“Sir Nico — 140/80. We need to get you to the hospital immediately. You’re
starting to look pale.”
CAR
I stood up, got my keys and walked towards my car. But this time my knees
gave up and I can’t stand. Jayson asked for a driver to help us get to the
nearest hospital.
On the car ride, I was holding onto Jayson’s hand asking him to stay with me.
Whatever happens.
I thought slow motion was only possible in movies, until I experienced it.
I saw the stain in my leather seat, the words airbag written
front of me, dirt in my windshield and the view outside. I can see cars passing by, beggars on the street and people walking.
I was fading. Slowly. Grasping for every breath. It felt like forever to reach the hospital.
Then I went berserk, fighting for dear life. I was punching my seat. Kicking the compartment in front of me.
For the first time ever in my life, I have seen a glimpse of the Grim Repear.
HOSPITAL
We got there after five minutes.
The ER doctor asked me about my history.
I told him that my grandfather and uncle died from heart problems.
A couple of minutes later my cardiologist arrives, followed by my aunt who’s
also a doctor and then my mom and dad.
I was on the verge of crying. Is this the last time I’ll be seeing them?
“I love you.”
I wanted to tell them. But I didn’t.
GRIM
Then the scariest part started. Hell on earth.
I started losing control over my breath. My fingers started clenching — forming a fist. Then my toes were curling.
My head started to numb followed by my fingers and toes. My chest was getting heavier every second.
“This is it.” I told them.
The device near my bedside started beeping incessantly.
Blood pressure — 170/90.
“THIS IS IT!”
Darkness dawned unto me. My eyes closed on their own.
My mind was telling me to let go. Just like meditation.
I let go.
FROG
Now, what happened next is something I can’t make up. Once I opened my eyes I burped like a frog.
I was not having a heart attack, I was having an acid attack. This led to a panic attack.
LESSONS
That was the day I was face to face with “death”.
The moment I realized that I was going to die. Not in a theoretical sense BUT in a hard-punch in the gut sense.
That led me to an obsession with death. I remember asking my Philosophy professor — How do I deal with my own demise?
How do you deal with your own death? Are you even aware of it? There’s a
possibility you can die later on your way home.
Death has taught me a big lesson. On the car ride going to the hospital slow motion moment.
I was not thinking about how much money I had in the bank.
I could care less about my present success.
I was not consumed by my past failures.
What I had were questions:
Did I live my life to the fullest?
Did I say I love you to the people who matter the most?
Did I live up to my true potential?
Hi I’m Nicole Policarpio and I am a storyteller. I am here to inspire you. You don’t need to be face to face with death. You just need to wake up from the illusion that you are going to live forever.
Life is not short, we just waste so much of it.
