They sat me down for a minute and this time it was my ability to manage hours and minutes that was being evaluated. With side work, 45+ full-time hours and a bit of softball hobbying it seemed I needed to take inventory. “Priority” isn’t the issue this time, my relationships are as good as can be expected for a 1 y/o, 3 y/o and 5 years of marriage with the “little ones.”

At times I wonder if it is even me who is being tested. Or are the ones around me really the ones who should take inventory so the scales are pulled back to see where I stand in their lives?

Or was this always about appreciation?

This question was a conversation I had with myself the last time I was in the Dr’s office. Am I appreciating the things, people around me? If not, why? I have a beautiful family whom I would gladly lay my life down for. Sure M sometimes says she’s not into me… but that is a 3 year old for you. L is about 98% a mommas boy and I am fine with that one day there will be questions that momma cannot answer (atleast that is what I am telling myself). With two little ones it is very hard to carve time out for the adults to even watch and episode of Family Guy (it makes us laugh alright — don’t judge).

I am in a constant state of valuing and devaluing life and those that I live life with. If a time comes that I feel devalued by you I will cut you out and if I feel I may be devaluing you I will help you out by taking a plunge. No harm, no foul at this point I am not afforded the time to invest in “meaningless” relationships. We either are meant to live life together or we are just passing by. I am fine with either.

Are we to the appreciation part yet?

Glad you asked, I was challenged by some voice in my head to appreciate the things in life that do not even merit it. If I only appreciate the things that I deem worthy I am actually portraying myself as a god. I compare this to the grace that God has over us, it is not because we deserve his grace that he exends it to us, but because he loves us.

It’s not because of what you have done that I appreciate you… it is simply because I love and appreciate what you bring to my life.