Week 2 Man Law Recap

After an exciting Week 1 for both the league and the Vikings, whom would think Week 2 would bring us more excitement. The Vikings pull off a HUGE win at Mecca (US Bank), but like all good things in life came with a cost- Adrian’s other knee. Out 3–4 months- looks like JHs body can recover faster than the best back in the league. Why is this funny you might ask? Well Eshaan somehow managed to lose all 3 of his starting running backs on Sunday. Congrats Esh that is your biggest accomplishment to date. Let’s recap the rest of the week shall we:

Ground Zero 94 vs. Leveon Emotion 68

This was the conversation leading up to the highly anticipated game between the two commissioners, and man was it not competitive at all. The only thing I can compare Kristian’s team to is older Jeep. Super cool on the outside but then it flips over on top of you and kills you immediately. A RB, TE, Def, and Kicker COMBINED for 6 points. Stunning. The sad part was its not like he even started the wrong players- his bench also sucked with the exception of Dak “Not Tony Romo” Prescott leading the charge with 17 points. MEANWHILE- my team went HAM for a second straight week. Derek Carr & Travis Benjamin had great weeks both posting over 20 bones with Vikes D dragging Rodgers lifeless body all of US Bank Stadium. Sorry Kristian- there are good teams and bad teams… And then your trash eating monkey team. ZING ZUNG.

Evil Corp 94 vs. Peg Leg Teddy 68

I would first like to talk about Guggs team name- not cool Nathan. Teddy may NEVER walk, run, or more importantly play the same ever again. And you named your team after him?! What sort of insensitivity is this. Obviously the football Gods are now punishing you dropping you to 0–2 this week. Sure you had some bright spots in DeAngelo Williams (lead his team in touches) and Carson Palmer (super old) but having your receivers combing for 10 points won’t cut it. Evan on the hand bounces back from a Week 1 L with consistency across the board from his team. 6 players in double digits. One thing though- 7 RUNNING BACKS EVAN?! JESUS CHRIST. The saddest part? All 7 of these below average RBs combined for 41 points. I would say you should trade them but lets be honest- no one wants Robert Kelley on their team.

Real Men Choose Red Man 116 vs. Donte’s Inferno 100

Left is Chris

Honestly a great week for both teams here. Super tough to score 100 points and STILL lose but hey Chris’s team has been killing it this year. Atop his division he bouncing back from his horrid year 2015 campaign. Lead by the NFL receiving leader thus far- STEFFON DIGGS, Chris (arugably) has the most complete team. Strong RBs, good QB play, and consistent points from his D & kicker. If I could trade teams with Chris I probably still won’t but there are bright spots. The other thing I loved about Chris’s team this week was that he benched Aaron BitchfaceCock as he was playing the Vikes. Well done. Tim. Please trade me Isaiah Crowell. The man has scored TDs in both weeks and yes I know he plays for the Browns but he is a Top 5 back after 2 weeks. In the meantime Philip Rivers toasted the Jags and Coby “Toby” Fleener “Flenderson” is averaging 1 point per game. Maybe get a new TE (or at least better looking)?

Ugly as Fuq

Markus’s Wheaties 119 vs. Joes Bullshit 85

CMON Joe get a team name. Two terrible weeks and you can pick a name to describe this bag of shitheads? I have a few suggestions that I have listed below:

  • Joes Herpies Shack
  • Jameis Beach Bods
  • Blounts Over Baghdad

Besides the terrible name- the team is not much better even with TWO top 10 backs that were drafted God knows when. Probably when we were all getting pizza or something or when we were making fun of Rob while he was starting his talk radio show. Toss into the mix that both of his starting WRs are now Questionable for Week 3- just cannot catch a break huh Joe?

JH on the other hand:

Cam cam cam. The man cannot be stopped. Picking right where he left off last year he has 51 points through two weeks. To put that in perspective- Clay has put up 120 points in two weeks. Impressive Clay. To add to this jumbo pot of winning JH didn’t even start rookie sensation Corey Coleman whom broke out on the scene catching passes from a backup BROWNS QB- so he must be the real deal. Melvin Gordon has provided consistent points as well which is refreshing coming off a very average 2015 year.

Hyde and Prejudice 93 vs. Scary Monsters 84

What a hilarious matchup. 5- count um- 5 running backs got hurt during games this week. That never happens but when it does everyone else in the league gets too excited. When Esh posted that he had lost all 3 of his starting RB’s I not only laughed out loud I was SALIVATING that I get to write the recap this week. This would only happen to Eshaan. This is like when a plane crashes into a field and one cow is dead. Eshaan you are that cow. The good news is Esh has Jerick McKinnon which means he has one active RB. Also- you don’t have Carlos Hyde just so you’re aware. Somehow with 5 points from his RBs that all got hurt Esh pulled off a W. Great week for Arizona D toasting Jameis and Eric “huge dick” Decker gives Esh his first W of the year. Patrick lucks out (get it since he has Andrew Luck) that he has only 2 injured RBs instead of 3. But hey old man Matt Forte has been producing at the age of 56. Good for him. Gio Bernard had a pretty good week but not as good as Patricks WRs that ALL scored double digits leaving Patrick like-

Patricks team.

Got Milk 105 vs. Wilson’s Saved Companionship 59

Our 2015 League Champion off to a hot 2016 start but this has been without his first round pick GRONK who has been hurt (which is scary). Kelvin Benjamin has rebounded nicely off of a ACL injury last year as has Larry Fitzgerald who is the original timeless wonder. Big Ben has been consistent as ever thus far which has also benefited Rob quite a bit. Clay on the other hand. Averaging 60 points he is softer than Russel Wilson before he got married (HEYYYO). Seriously though Russel- pop your cherry and start showing up on Sunday for Clays sake. Meanwhile the highest scoring fantasy QB sits on Clays bench- interesting strategy. I won’t rip on Clay too much- he knows his team is awful but for one more jab his highest scoring player this week was his kicker- with 14 points roughly 24% of his total. 24% of Clays total points came from his kicker. Let that sink in.

Anyways I should get back to work since I have been slacking off for over an hour now writing this. Carpe diem losers.

Bye for now