Week 7- Winners, Losers, and Patrick

Halftime of the 10th season of Man Law. What a glorious 7 weeks its been for a few of us (myself mostly bitcccccheeezzzz), but for others, this season has been like that IT clown movie people are obsessed with. *RANT* I don’t understand how/why people are obsessed with anything related to clowns or clowning (or acting like a naffy idiot). A grown man, or worse a child, wearing facepaint and oversized baggy clothes? C’mon get a damn hobby. *END OF RANT* I have also included my thoughts if you are “winning” or “losing” thus far this season based on record, player potential, & overall swag.

Take this personally.

Anyways- I don’t really have any other options to force on you this week so lets get right into the recap.

Kareem Hunts vs. Freezekiel 28:3

Notice no Amari Cooper?

This game was fun for me to watch hence me writing about it first. Last Thursday I found myself enjoying a Surly Hell while watching an incredible Chiefs and Raiders TNF game. During the first half while I was cursing at Tyreek Hill (whom I have in another league) I was shocked to see not only was Amari Cooper alive, 5 points in 5 weeks, he was murdering the Chiefs secondary for two big scores in the first half. Then I was curious, whom has him? Joe, wisely (no sarcasm here, I would have done the same thing) bench his shit poor 2nd round pick during his 33 point explosion. Joe just can’t catch a break. He had so much promise with Kareem Hunt,and starting 2–0, but as his numbers have become more pedestrian so has Joe’s entire team. Finding himself 4 games back he probably has to win out or go 7–6 to be in the playoff hunt (get it?). On the flip side of the matchup- HOW THE FUCK IS ZEKE STILL PLAYING. I wish I could summarize this court saga but Goodells chase to suspend Zeke is now longer than OJs bronco LA tour. Regardless- the man can still ball. The ‘Boys entire team rebounded against the 49ers propelling Rob to the top of the division. Eric Decker is a funny 2012–2015 start but maybe not in 2017?

Eric Deckers wife- probably wondering why Rob started him this week.

T h i c c b o i s vs. Kony 2012

This might come as a surprise to some of you- but there are 3 things I LOVE about Eshaans team. 1) Team name. 2) Team Logo. 3) Justin Tucker. Last week I was at the Vikes game and I got to see a Tucker vs. Forbaith pissing contest- it was glorious. I do kinda feel bad for Esh- if his team was healthy he’d at least have a fighting change. DeAndre Hopkins still gets a butt ton of targets, Steffon Diggs is the man, Orleans Darkwa has one of the coolest names in the league, but add all that up and you get 69 points this week. Yikes. Big Ben has looked like old washed up dad picnic Ben. Here is a fun game- Look at Eshs team, could you try and even guess whom his first 3 picks were? Neither can I. Evan on the other hand has snuck his way back into the playoff conversation. Winning the last 3 games it seems like Evan finally has a feel for this team. Doug Martin looks good getting tons of carries for the struggling Bucs, and you could argue (maybe poorly) that Kamara is the second best rookie RB this year behind Hunt. When I saw Evan started Josh McCown this week I really thought he was packing it in while Stafford was on a bye, but 24 points is pretty damn good- as is Evans team down the home stretch.

I googled “Drunk Matt Stafford” to get this. May get fired.

Donte’s Inferno (c’mooooon Tim) vs. Atlantifa Antifa-Icons

Tim this is my final plea. Please. Please. Please change your team name. Here are some ideas from me to you: Cam’s Gals. Too Many Cooks in Da Kitchen. I’m With Gurley. You’re welcome. If you can look past Tim’s team name this might be the team to beat. Gurley continues to be one of the best backs in the league, Evan Engram is basically the Giants only healthy receiving option, and Cam, when he isn’t speaking out of his a$$, looks back to MVP-esk form. Chris, similar to the Falcons, is having a yo-yo type of year. Winning a couple games in a row, then losing a couple games in a row. Turns out that Super Bowl hangover is a real thing. Here is some unsolicited hangover advice Chris- get some lo mein. Lo Mein basically cures everything. Some good greasy lo mein, a good nap, BANG tip top shape. I don’t know what the fantasy equivalent to lo mein is, but I can tell you what its not- its not Jonathan Stewart. He has gotten either 4 points, or 0 points, the last 4 weeks. Jonathan Stewart is the equivalent of being at the bar, close to blackout drunk, and then a girl whom is not your girlfriend asks if you want to take 3 tequila shots with her. There is not situation it ends well- just like Jonathan Stewart.

Honestly look at that shit

Squatting Away The Haters vs. Whom’s Man? Perriman’s

Have the Thompson's turned their season around? Two wins in a row, 3 games out from first, maybe the bros are back in bidness. Kirk Cousins with another big week, still not worth the $24M he is making but hey it works. More surprising- Latavius Murray! Heyyyo! 17 points in his first start in purple. Couple that with a Jags D that has been… fantastic this year? Has the word fantastic and Jags ever been used together in the same sentence? Whom knows but probably not. JH instead of squatting away the haters maybe you should squat some week over week consistency. I really actually like your team- Brady (GOAT), Nelson Agholor (Two last names but he has been productive), Chris Thompson (Best offensive weapon on the Redskins), but you just can’t string two wins together. Pitty. You know what else is too bad? Martavis Bryant. Damn that dude has so much talent but between him loving weed, and hating the Steelers don’t think that dude is gon be playing anytime soon. Also why wouldn’t the Steelers even try to deal him. He has openly said he doesn’t want to play for you- deal the kid and get a draft pick outta it. Doesn’t make sense to me. It could be a Kyrie situation where teams now know that he doesn’t wanna be there so they would put in shit offers. I guess we will find out by the trade deadline.

Escargoting the Distance vs. God Hate Aaron

Can someone please just force Kristian to put up some GD points? I thought after Aaron Rodgers got hurt we could just fold your team. But not this week! Alex Smith torches the Raiders for 29 points, couple that with Mark Ingram enjoying a AP-less backfield another competitive week for God Hate Aaron. Patrick on the other hand continues his epic slide. Losing 4 in a row, has the least points for, and the most points against. What a combination. To kick a dead horse the highest rated player on Patricks team? Steelers D. I dug into your team a little bit to see if there was really any potential…. There is not. Kristian I get you this week. Strap up boi.

Unite the Right vs. Look What You Made Me Draft

Saved my matchup for last because DAMN BOY MY TEAM IS EN FUEGO. You may also notice that I included the “Smack Board” above to find one lonely comment from Kristian. Cute. This game went down to the wire with only 10 points standing between Guggs and being above .500. Unfortunately for him Alshon could only muster up 5 points. Shoot. Guggs is only 2 GB from the Hobbes division and his team may sneak into the playoffs, but he may need more production from McCaffrey (1 TD all season), and Julio Jones (also 1 TD all season). My team on the other hand has so much fun to watch. Daks “Sophomore Slump” is incredible thus far. He is a top 5 QB, and was my 9th round pick. Yum. Meanwhile AJ Green finally has gotten some pep in his step while Tyreek Hills boom or bust style of play fits in well since my running backs are both averaging double digit points. I have been knocking on wood this entire recap but I’ll be the first to say it- do I earn a first round bye for the first time ever…?

That’s me.

That’s all I got for this week. The Vikes are playing the Browns in London at 8:30 am. Has a more depressing sentence ever been said? Prolly not. Until next time!

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