To the person who deals with Divorce

Nikelle Archibald
Aug 23, 2017 · 5 min read

Oh Divorce. Something that now days is much too common in Families. And my family is one that has been effected by this, and always will. My parents were divorced when I was just 6 years old. As you can imagine when a 6 year old girl is sat down by her parents and they tell her that “Mom and Dad are getting Divorced” I would have no idea what that meant and my response was, “Can I go back out and play now?” And I didn’t know what that meant, until the day my Dad left. I won’t go into all the details of that day, but lets just say that it’s something that is forever stuck in my brain, and I can see it like it was just yesterday. Do you ever have those moments where you can think of an entire movie scene word for word in your head? It’s like that for me, and honestly I’ve tried to forget it, but I cant. And that’s okay because it’s a part of me. As a kid I grew up living with my mom in Alpine, and some weekends I would be in Logan with my Dad. And that’s how my life was. Seeing family on weekends, or not even seeing them at all. Growing up, not having a Dad around was really hard on me. For a long time I felt as if I had been abandoned and I hated when we had Daddy daughter activities because I knew mine wouldn’t be there. I was luck enough to have my Grandfather there to help fill in when I needed support or someone to be that Father figure for me. But it just wasn’t the same. My dad wasn’t around that much, given the circumstances of him living far away, him living a different life that I didn’t understand, and partly me not wanting to be with him because of the pain he caused me. I had a very long term inner battle with wanting an amazing relationship with him, but was always so hesitant because he would just come and go out of my life, do things when it was convenient for him. I guarded myself because I didn’t want to get hurt anymore than I already was. This went on for most of my childhood and through my teens years. As I got older I realized a relationship with my dad would be better than no relationship at all. Now even after 15 years I still have to remind myself that.

I’ve had to grow up very quickly. I had to learn how to let go, and forgive. With my mom being a single Mother and working to support my sister and I, I became very independent, and accepted that life was just going to be hard for me. Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m rambling on about this, but this is why.

I have heard so much growing up that Divorce defines the person that you want to be or will be. And I am here to tell you THAT IS NOT TRUE!!!!! This is something I cannot stress enough, you and your life are not defined by your parents Marital status or any kind of mistakes they have made. It is not your fault, nor something you can control. There will be many moments in in your life where you might think that you can fix things, believe me I have. There were countless moments growing up when we would be doing pick ups and drop offs, and my sister and I would sit in the car while they talked and we would plot different ways we could get our parents together. Of course it never worked nor would have, but we thought we could maybe do something. I am sure that I am not the only one who dreams of how their future would be different if their parents had stayed together, or dream of what my own life and family will be like. Making mental notes of things that I wont do as a wife, and a mother.

This is my thought process on those who come from divorce.

1. We are STRONG, we go through watching the only relationship we look up to and base our future relationships off of literally fall apart. Some of us go through nasty divorces, and some of us go through easier ones, but it is NEVER easy on anyone.

2. We are FIGHTERS, as we go through life’s trials that come with divorce we come to learn how to fight for relationships. Whether its Family, Friends, or Dating we are always fighting to keep people in our lives. I am someone who will fight for every relationship I’ve had, and I try every possible option before giving up. But for me that can cost me, and my emotional stability. But I still fight everyday.

3. We are DREAMERS, we dream of our futures. We think of our families, how we want our children to have the childhood or the lives we never had. We want to give them a safe, loving home where there is no fear of life’s up’s and down’s. And we will do whatever it takes to provide that for our families.

As I look at my life, and the person I have become because of my Parents divorce, I am stronger, I am a fighter, and I am a dreamer. I know that I would not be the person I am today if didn’t go through this everyday. I honestly wouldn’t change anything. Because of my circumstances I will continue to fight everyday for the life that I want for myself and my family because it’s something I do not want to put my family through. If you are dealing with divorce now, or don’t know how to cope with it, let me tell you this. You will get through it, and acceptance does get easier with time. You may not understand why this is happening to you, and maybe you’ll never know. But I can promise you this, it will make you STRONGER than you have ever been.

You are not alone in this. And you never will be. Keep your head up, because tomorrow is brand new day.

-XOXO- Nikelle

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