I went through something similar last year. Like you, my teenage depression had been dramatic: self-harm, dark poetry, and relentless suicidal thoughts. To simply feel numb and disenchanted didn’t feel like it deserved the title. I was just having a bad day, or week, or month, or year. I was taking some time to take care of myself (by binge-watching Netflix and doing nothing productive). I stopped watching my diet and made unhealthy choices, even though I knew how much these things affect my mental health. I didn’t feel worth taking care of. I was still functional, so it didn’t matter. By the time I acknowledged that this was a problem, the persistent suicidal thoughts had come back and I could barely pull myself out of bed. At that point, it was so much harder to overcome, and I’m trying to be more in tune with my emotions now so I don’t slide down that path again.
Maybe teenage depression is supposed to be more dramatic, because being a teenager is. Maybe that’s what makes it harder to recognize when it visits you in its adult form. Also, people change, and with that so do our issues. Anyways.
You’re right, comparing does no one any good. Thanks for writing this, and for being so honest.