No more whispers….

BTS : behind the*ts about to get real

I’m usually lots of snark with a little sunshine or lots of sunshine with a little snark- depends on the day. And I am extraordinarily fortunate in life, for which I am immensely grateful — but there’s a lot of shit going on in life in real estate and so far beyond. behind the sunshine which isn’t front and center.

If you know me well (and some of you reading this have known me for decades ) you know that I am one of three daughters and was raised in a family where gentlemen show nothing but the utmost respect for all women — not just their wives, daughters and mothers. A world where such lewd language is ceased in front of any women , out of respect. A world where women are strong and fierce (my goodness my abuelita alone was something !) And never is any form of violence against women even joked about- because it’s not funny. My elders would posit that speaking in such a manner speaks poorly of one’s class ,dignity, self worth and self respect.

Some of you have heard of the incident my friend Stacie Staub has written about recently from me shortly after it happened , minutes or days later. Those of you who saw me when I got off the bus ,this lovely early evening in one of my favorite cities in the world,knew something wasn’t quite right.Those of you especially close to me have heard about it far more- because it did shake me — even with all the other real life stuff currently going on- which you know is a lot — it shook me. And I don’t shake lightly.

I don’t need to read the now numerous accounts, or see the videos , I was there, on the bus, and as long as I have breath I won’t forget the experience.

There have been questions about timing motive ,but in the minutes,days,weeks and now months since we have constantly been in conversation, know that a discussion would occur at some point.

Comments are flying as quickly as people can touch type on the devices of their choice. It is incumbent upon us to not stay silent. How do we take part in a world and make it a better world for all of us collectively ?

And for the record, for those who keep saying (in the most well meaning of ways- I understand ) that if they had been on the bus they would have….

I will tell you this — when the response to “are you ladies learning anything …”

(From me) : “You don’t want to know what we think “

(Said in the hopes that they would cease -not continue- their conversation )- I’m not a small woman but self preservation and protection kicks in.

….because when instead of being quiet the person invokes a sex and the city defense — that he’s seen it and women are worse

You don’t continue to engage. You stand down for the moment.

There could have been an apology at any point since then- in the world I live in- someone might apologize for being lewd and crude,let alone the OTHER stuff that was said.

It saddens me to state I have known many victims of abuse — domestic & sexual - and I am sure I know many more but they haven’t told me,as is their right . Even before this current cultural climate , as we share our stories comments incidents of harassment in a far more open manner — there’s a lot of not good in the world so much more — and we need to acknowledge, address and remedy this.

This is not about a specific subset of individual — it never was. This is not about politics , or real estate, to me this is about the very fabric of the world in which we reside — the world that I am watching the youngest generation of my own family (yes my ridiculously adorable great nephews-have you SEEN how cute they are ?) come into.

I was there. Sitting next to my friend. A line was crossed. One that should never be breached.

It happened. And I am not going to be silent about it.

Your reputation is not what you perceive others to think about you it is what those others perceive about you. The stories that I have heard, whether from sharing about the incident, or in the last forty eight hours or soas this has all come to have a brighter light upon it -have been nothing short of jaw dropping and awe inspiring, and every one has reduced me to tears, of rage and respect.

We can do better, for each other. Let’s do it together.

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