The revelation
It has all occurred to me, this morning, that everything was planned. All this time I thought this was a call of destiny (not that I am denying the feelings that we discovered weren’t true, in fact, they are very much authentic than ever), yet one of the two of the story was actually an enabler where he knew exactly what was to happen in that particular situation, he still led me to it.
There’s nothing I can do about this revelation, my in-comprehensive assessment — specially, of the way the story was initiated — has been a very important added layer elevating this encounter to an unavoidable and/or unescapable level that I have to at least fight for, otherwise I’d regret to death. I am happy that it happened. Curiosity kills a cat.
However, emotions are real bitches, once you have had them. Sometimes you act like one as well when they hit you, you stand up and leave the table after throwing out “I’m sorry that I’m nervous today as I had bad dreams” alongside the food you pretended eating and the napkin that was secretly used to wipe unintentionally tears.
I keep wondering, if all along we were just loving each other, than in love with each other. Or might I have taken a further step and this turbulent mind really was the consequence. Like a fishing net, made of insecurity, jealousy and the desire of owning. This very net, that I knitted with my very hands, blocks my airways, suffocates me.
How I wish, it was just a summer fling. Like the moment Juantonio walks to Vicky and Christina’s dining table and asks them to join the journey. How I wish, it was simply just a voyage.
Yet it is not.
