My co-founder is my boyfriend: How we made it work
How it is to create a startup with your boyfriend
Falling in love is one of the best thing that happens in life. That magical period where everything around you is brighter, in full color. I remember the first time I fell in love with someone, I was 13 and he was my classmate. We started dating and I remember that the soup my mother would prepare me every evening, suddenly started tasting so good in those days.
I believe in love at first sight, and when I met my boyfriend I knew it was him. I’m a very passionate type of person, and maybe that’s also one of the reasons why I’m an entrepreneur. When we met we were both at university, trying to figure out our future, but after one year we had already created something we would later discover to be a startup.
I can’t say what pushed me to start it, but most of the people thought I was following my boyfriend. Maybe this was also a bit true however I was very uncomfortable in that position. In the meantime I’ve also discovered that being a software developer wasn’t my thing and I decided to leave the university. So I then began studying graphic design while creating my first startup.
The years passed and we continued to create companies together, failing together etc.. but why am I telling you all of that? Because since the beginning I was feeling underestimated just because my co-founder was my boyfriend. Everybody thinks that being a startup-couple is very difficult because of the fighting between the couple that may affect the startup or because you’re always together, but I think the most difficult part is differentiating yourself from your partner.
When somebody discovers you’re a couple they’ll treat you differently.
And that’s completely understandable, generally speaking a couple is two people in one entity, two co-founders are two different person. The only thing you can do is try to highlight the fact that when you’re working you’re just one of the co-founders and not the wife of .
At the beginning we decided not to share the fact that we were a couple but at some point we had to because by hiding our relationship it seemed like we were embarrassed about it.
After three startups (the last one still running), three countries (we moved to Santiago de Chile and then to London) and 6 years together (that’s a freaking huge amount of time), I think I figured out how to deal with the fact that my boyfriend is my co-founder.
Learn from others
You may think that companies that are created by couples are a small percentage, but it isn’t like that. My parents, for example have a bakery in Italy and my aunt & uncle make wine in the Langhe hills, therefore I’m surrounded by family businesses. When I moved to Chile I also met other startup couples that taught me a lot of things. My favorite couple are Pablo and Maritza of AgentPiggy, they are like my big brothers.
Taking inspirations from them and from how they manage their work and personal life was very important in my learning process.
Be alone
When I moved to London six months ago I started to work alone because my partner Claudio had to start a job to maintain the company and ourselves. It was a difficult step for both of us, because we were used to working together every day and because I had to be in charge of many more things than before.
But despite all the initial problems and fears I have to say I feel great now. Because I’m in charge of everything now, I’ve started to become more confident about stuff that before were things that were exclusively handled by Claudio. Of course every co-founder in every company needs to do what they’re good at, but it’s also important that everyone in the team discover and even try doing what others do.
If you’re a couple and you aren’t living together it may be simpler to work alone. However, if you’re living together I suggest you to try to figure out a way to work alone. Maybe you could go to a cheap co-working space from time to time or meet partners and customers by yourself.
Don’t be protective and don’t let your partner be protective of you
Being in a relationship with somebody also means feeling protected in their arms, aren’t we all looking for a person that makes us feel safe? But in business things works pretty differently, being protective of your soulmate, by making every decision, taking every risk and responsibility won’t help them to be a great entrepreneur.
In the short term it might work but then it will just ruin your company. Luckily my partner Claudio is always criticizing me (in a good way the majority of the time) and pushing me to learn more and to be more focused. I’m trying to do the same with him.
There’s no balance between personal and working life
Creating and running a startup requires tons of work, and it’s inevitable that your working life and your personal one will not be balanced. The workload takes up all your lovely weekends and sweet nights, so in this case having a relationship with your co-founder is great, because he or she will perfectly understand what are you doing and be at your side working as well.
But how do you balance the two kinds of partnerships? The perfect balance, I’m sure doesn’t exist, however you need to figure out the way to make it work. I personally do the following things:
- I dedicate a day a week, usually on the weekend to my relationship, no work at all (I just check my emails in case some customers are looking for me)
- I’m highly professional with my boyfriend while we’re working, no kissing, no hugging, no flirting, not even a “kiss” at the bottom of emails
- From 11pm more or less, no more work for neither of us. Unfortunately most of the time I fall asleep at 11:30pm. When Claudio was working full time on our startup, the limit was 9pm.
- We have some hobbies in common and others that are different in order to be happy together doing what we like and to be happy alone as well.
Be supportive
If you have a startup or you have had one you have probably experience a day where everything is black, you think you won’t make it, you start thinking about closing everything and get a normal job. During those days having a boyfriend that understand you and cheer you up, make a difference.
There are days when I wish I never opened a startup with my boyfriend but the majority of days I’m very grateful I did. I know he’s a great entrepreneur and person to have a business with. I don’t know if we will end up married or successful or both but I know that it will be fine whatever happens.
If you’re a startup-couple I will be glad to connect with you and to know your story.
