The Jewish Caterer

Illustration by Ivan Alan Wolfgang Gugel-Dawson

This is the fifth story from S, a 54 year old Chicago catering veteran. Click here to read his last story. In this article he discusses bartending Bar Mitzvahs and working for a kosher caterer.

Usually January through March when everything else is dead, that’s Bar mitzvah season. That was a real source of misery for me when I started. I’m not easily identifiable as a Jew and I would be working with a staff all day, humping and suffering and dealing with attitude and then a staff member would go “Fucking kike motherfuckers” right next to me. It’s like, I hate to tell you this, but those are my people. I’m a kike motherfucker too and I don’t get to enjoy the bad stereotypes. I’m not so filthy stinking rich and snooty that I don’t notice things around me, I actually have my feet on the ground. I’m working class just like you.

“I’m a kike motherfucker too.”

Bar Mitvah’s are the worst though. There’s nothing like having a kid walk up to the bar to order their kiddie cocktail and put their hand up to you because they’re on their phone. Like “Hang on, I have a little business to finish up.” You don’t even have pubic hair?

Early in my career I worked for a kosher caterer. That’s the last thing in the world you want to do. They’re my people and I’m telling you this. Supposedly a Rabbi blesses all the food. You think so? You think there’s a separate meat and milk kitchen? It’s a joke.

So I’m in the shop when the Rabbi comes in. I see him wave his hand and go “Shazam, you’re good” and then he collects his check. It hurts me to say it, it’s like a Woody Allen movie, like “Bingo, how you feel now, you’re good, you’re kosher! Alrighty.”

“So I’m in the shop when the Rabbi comes in.”

Do you know how I got fired from this Job? The clients, Orthodox Jews, realized I was Jewish. I started getting these looks from women, as well as the men. It was an awful, awful look, something I’ve never experienced before or after Kosher catering. It was “You’re filthy, you are the worst kind of Jew.” I felt like I was getting spit on. They thought I was scum.

Finally, the owner comes up to me, a Jew as well, wearing his Yarmulke, passing himself off as being Orthodox. It was a Saturday before an event and he says “I have to let you go.” I ask him what I did and he says “Nothing, nothing, it’s a problem with my clientele. They can’t deal with you anymore,” and again I ask him what am I doing. “You’re not doing anything. You’re Jewish, and you’re wrong to them.” So I say “Let me get this straight now, out of your mouth. You’re firing me, because I’m a Jew. Yes?” He goes “Well, you know. It’s not that simple but yeah. The thing is they’re Orthodox and think that you’re lower than them and don’t want you serving them, especially Fridays and Saturdays.” “So I’m breaking the Sabbath?” “Yeah. You’re working on the Sabbath.” So I say “But what’re you doing, cause you drove your car to get here? That’s one of the prohibitions. Turning keys, turning on lights, turning on ovens. I know Kosher law, I hate to tell you. Tell me, how you’re doing this, because you drove here today to fire me. You got in your little car, turned the key, and broke the Sabbath law, to come over here. Not to mention the fact that your business is open.” He couldn’t answer my questions but it was a life lesson for me and was something I’ve carried around ever since. I lost a job because of my Judaism from Jews. Bizarre. I wasn’t that sorry to go because I really didn’t want to be part of it.

“I lost a job because of my Judaism from Jews. Bizarre.”