Lately I had this urge to disconnect from everyone, from everything. I think it’s the closest I can get to death, to just wallow all my feelings and feel every pint of pain or guilt while lying in my room all day.

It’s really hard when you too expect a lot from yourself, every moment an insecurity arises you’re completly out of your game again, and it goes on and on like a cycle.

I wish I could just go back to the days where I don’t care about anything, just do my thing, prepare and eat breakfast in the morning, go to school, socialize, do my hobbies, sleep adequately. But everything changed, and if this is adulthood and I'm a misfit.

Everyday right I wake up with questions inside my head, I feel like a loser already even though I haven’t done anything yet, the feeling when you’re trap in a quicksand and every inch of your body and soul is about to be devoured by earth.

I don’t feel good about myself. Why do I need to try harder? Why are there people who can just get what they want and deal with everything smoothly? Why does it have to be so complicated for me?

I am my own saboteur and clearly my mind is the captain of my self destruction.