Life goes on, babe.
The moment I decide to tell, lets name her A, about this person I have affectionate question marks for, is the moment I know she’s not going to let me get away from this one.
“So, you’ve known him for 2 years plus now.. what’s he like?”
I don’t know any other answer but to say, “He’s the kind of guy who struggles everyday to choose empathy over apathy.”
“A” looks at me as if I just said something ridiculous. Maybe I did. But I pretend not to understand non-verbal communication, even more, I pretend not to understand my own best friend. “You need to be less poetic and more specific,” She says, while having another sip of her cold coffee from just now’s dinner.
Well, I really don’t know what else to say. Should I tell her that he is very intriguing? Or that his calm-being brings out the best and worst in him? Or that I don’t really know him well enough to even describe him? But hey I know him for a year plus now. I don’t know… So many options swimming in my head, but I know she is now staring at me with her eyes that speak demands louder than a bunch of demanding high school girls. So…
“I don’t know him well enough to provide you with the specifics,” I told her. Even I think it’s lame.
“Bullshit Ayuni! You know him too well do you?! You know what. even if you don’t, you don’t need to know someone well enough to be specific. Seriously, what’s he like?” Her impatience starts eating her from the inside. I close my eyes to find the decent statements to feed A’s hunger for elaboration. Let’s see. What’s he like? Good-looking, polite, funny, annoying, sarcastic? Now I feel like I’m just making a list of adjectives. Uhm. He looks cute when he’s sleeping..breathing..hugging his pillow, facing me? Well, I feel like a necrophile in denial. I have no idea what’s he like. Or maybe I do, but I just don’t want to tell anyone, not even A.
“I can’t tell you anything more than what I’ve said, A. I don’t know him that well….” i said, trying to stop her asking me more questions. “Now, answer me, do you love him?” I knew I shouldn’t have made friends with annoying people like her.
“I do. More than I love myself to be honest. Ya you can say whatever you want.” Honesty is the best policy. (Hopefully) “Then why don’t you fucking tell him? What’s the worst that could happen?” A and her no-nonsense attitude, ladies and gentlemen.
What an interesting question. What’s the worst that could happen? The death of reciprocation? Feeling embarrassed? Undeserving?
How to make this stop? “A “keeps staring at me with her small, puffy eyes. Demands an answer, a piece of convincing statement that I will tell him how I feel. (Which in fact I already did..) Why did I fall for a him this much? Even worse, why did I even bother trying to tell anyone about this? I hate this. How to make her stop staring??
30 minutes later.
“I could just look away from the mirror, you know.”
“Don’t you dare walk out on me!!” A screams.
I look away, and A’s gone. Now I don’t face her annoying questions anymore. Everything goes back to normal. No more confusion, no more demands to make reciprocation possible.
Because life goes on.
Ciao,
Ayuni
