Dear Cosmopolitan Magazine, Beautiful Girls Actually Have Names You Can’t Pronounce

This isn’t going to take very long because I honestly hoped I wouldn’t be tempted to write this — but I just had the worst version of Huevos Rancheros — ever! And Daylight Savings is holding me at peak anxiety.

While meditating through my Twitter timeline, an exercise that actually does burn calories — I stumbled upon a tweet from a likeminded user who called out Cosmopolitan.com for the reckless piece — that seemed to rely on what is described as “Ancient Greek Mythology” and the random gatherings of “scientists” for it’s proposed validity.

Once, I took the bait — I was directed to the article of scorn and as I digested the words — it occurred to me that I had been down this road before. After reading the shitty fare, I too jumped on the bandwagon of discontent.

How dare an online pub that claims to be for women and about women — casually publish a ridiculous piece that claims that only White features are globally revered.

In what universe is it acceptable to purposely exclude women of color when exalting a list of beauties — based solely on a mythology that not only doesn’t exist, but was coerced for the benefit of a plastic surgeon who relies on his misleading data to keep his business booming.

Impressionable young girls who scan these pieces in search of themselves and end up empty-handed — are going to absorb the fact that their ethnic features aren’t comparable to their White counterparts who are lucky enough to be blessed with the “ideal face ratio and symmetry.”

I know what that feels like. I grew up in an era that didn’t lend itself to young women in the industry who shared my features and I comprehend how that betrayal forced me away from my dreams.

If you don’t believe that such a thing is real — check it out:

So, according to the ancient Greeks and science, here are the 10 most beautiful women in the world:

1. Amber Heard: 91.85 percent

2. Kim Kardashian: 91.39 percent

3. Kate Moss: 91.06 percent

4. Emily Ratajkowski: 90.8 percent

5. Kendall Jenner: 90.18 percent

6. Helen Mirren: 89.93 percent

7. Scarlett Johansson: 89.82 percent

8. Selena Gomez: 89.57 percent

9. Marilyn Monroe: 89.41 percent

10. Jennifer Lawrence: 89.24 percent

Here’s the thing. You can’t scream the unification of women worldwide and even protest in the name of feminism while damning anything or anyone that stands in the way — and in the same breath — exclude a slew of women that are deemed unfit for duty.

Cosmopolitan like most online publications has no real depth or breath of information that stretches the membranes of our minds beyond Kim Kardashian’s see-through jumper and the sex habits of Blake Lively.

We can’t really expect much anymore when it comes to mind-altering content — although Teen Vogue is proving me wrong daily.

However, the editorial staff at Cosmo — definitely all White women — hoped they had picked the right day to relieve themselves of the burden that comes with checking the box next to “diversity” — each time they consider the worthiness of a piece that is set for publication.

Unfortunately for them — once the tweet was released — all bets were off and they were forced to remove the article as soon as the heat became too warm to handle.

The link to the article that celebrates how and why White women are much more appealing than women of other ethnicities was broken at first — and then it was replaced with some shit about Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck.

As I mentioned earlier — this wasn’t my first time taking in the nonsense that the Greek gods and mad scientists concocted on a whim. So, I did a little digging and trust me — in didn’t take very long to resurface the exact same article from 2016 — that basically contains the same names of the prized beauties and the same title. Even the photos are the same.

All this, to prove the point that I seem to be making more often theses days.

The state of journalism as it presently stands — is appallingly tragic. Editors no longer utilize their power in meaningful ways. Hashtags are strewn around for hits and clicks with no thought of how to manifest the true meaning of what’s being mandated.

#WomensHistoryMonth is ongoing and yet we have a pub that purports its mission as one that exalts all women — callously publish a piece that glorifies only the women who share distinctive features — based on a bogus theory.

It’s vindictive and unbearably sad to witness how very little we care about each other. It summons the deep divide between women of color and White women with all the inconsistencies and the veil of fakeness that comes with a smile in your face.

But then behind your back the knife is aimed with perfection.

In all honesty, the most beautiful women in the world have names that are hard to pronounce.

It’s not about the fairest of them all — it’s really about being fair even when your job is on the line and your convictions tested. It’s about playing the role you tweet about without the safe hub of hashtags or retweets. It’s about doing what is right and being inclusive as someone in a position of power who wants to make that change — regardless of the consequences.

It’s about being the most beautiful woman in the world as you ask another beautiful woman how to pronounce her name so you can add her to the list that you conceived — without the help of fake experts, fake doctors or the Greeks gods who are thankfully dead.

Cosmopolitan Magazine had an ugly moment today — and I feel gorgeous saying so.