The next president of the United States of America.

The Most Famous Neighbor in America is a Media Darling, and that’s Why “The Media” Sucks Ass

It didn’t take long for the Internet to embrace another overnight sensation. The last time I fell for a viral sensation was when the BBC interview of 2017 became an instant nursery on air.

That was funny. It was also adorably refreshing — not to mention unexpectedly enlightening when you take in the fact that I instinctively assumed that the crazed woman rushing in was the nanny.

Thankfully I did a quick search and realized that I was wrong.

By the time I embarrassingly corrected my private mistake — major media outlets had already declared the mother a hired caretaker. Most users on Twitter also tweeted concern for the “Asian nanny” — as they shared their collective thoughts on her imminent dismal.

As always the messy reporting by so-called reporters who dismiss the importance of research and fact checking in favor of being the fastest to hit the “publish” button was eventually prettied up as the facts emerged from the rubble of nonchalance.

Nobody ever wonders about the days of old — when print was the only option, and because that was really the only way to convey the news — there was zero tolerance for error.

Typos were literally unheard of and there was absolutely no way you could give the order without being certain beyond reasonable doubt — that what was being sent to print would uphold the standards and respectability of the organization you served.

Times have changed and it’s really a blessed thing. I can be thorough in my assessment because I do remember when there was no security of the “delete” button or the reassurance of the “edit” feature or even the remote possibility that you could go back in time and undo a major fuck up.

But, this is getting boring.

Who cares how the newsrooms were directed back then? That was a long ass time ago and we can’t look back. We have to embrace the present with all the destructive fodder it offers.

We have to be completely immersed in a system that thrives under the bullying tactics of algorithms and the robots who refresh in response to the lit up screen as they tap and click away with speed and vitality.

When a malfunction happens — there is always the draft status to save the day as readers are treated to a multitude of versions of a story that was simple enough not to warrant emergency surgery.

When I wanted to be a full time writer back in 2013, I naively sacrificed everything to pursue my passion and almost four years later — I am filled with regret.

The digital landscape changed so rapidly and I ended up getting caught in the middle. Outlets don’t want writers — they are in dire need of content producers who numbly input data in an effort to ensure that subscribers are entertained at the expense of common sense and human dignity.

There is an urgent need for digital marketers who have no interest in the truth of the matter because they are too busy pursuing the notes from social media darlings — who are erected to propel the impressive digits into next week’s slow fest.

The tragic reality is that it no longer has to be a slow week for us to succumb to the wiles of pure nonsense on a scale that shouldn’t even be weighed.

We have to weigh it though.

This is because you are all enthralled with the woman in the fur coat — holding a glass of wine as she watches with glee as protesters from the LGBTQ community loudly engulf the home of her neighbor across the street.

Her name is Dianne Bruce and I know this because that’s what happens when the media sucks.

We are forced to worship and celebrate a woman with a lot of money — who most likely voted for Trump (we will never know because none of the reporters thought to ask) and most certainly thought about all the ways in which she could capitalize on the good fortune of living in close proximity to the First Daughter.

Bruce spoke to a plethora of online pubs but it was the interview she gave the always trusting Cosmopolitan.com that really left me cold.

Apparently she isn’t crazy about Trump. She took the plunge and protested for the very first time in her life during the globally-endorsed Women’s March on Washington in January (which was really the Mostly White Women’s March). She classifies herself as a “liberal Democrat” and “fiscal Republican” (that doesn’t sound very liberal).

She also isn’t very convincing when she admits that she was blown away that the picture that she desperately staged to menace us in the hopes that we would be forced to validate her existence — was honestly just “one of those things.”

How appropriate that she’s expensively clothed and positioned for the snapshot heard around the world. Too bad I’m not employed or I would’ve been her worst nightmare as I ransack her spoilt goods to uncover the truth.

We champion a stranger for her impromptu photo op with no knowledge of what she really is or if she does actually deserve to toast her neighbor’s public scolding.

From where I’m sitting — Ivanka Trump seems to carry the most likes and hearts compared to her over-zealous nemesis — as she seamlessly adopts a forthright approach to a role that she’s managing to translate — in the midst of chaos and a tumultuous forecast.

I’m not a fan of either women, but if I had to choose, well…

This latest sensation is dressed to kill, and the victims are you and the stinking media that will continue to fart the shit that you continue to breath in after the air is clear and your recycled memes have room to settle.

As for me, I’m still writer, just not the kind that sucks ass.