Why ‘The Legend of Tarzan’ is a Shitty Racist Movie

Whether you see it or not

Even before I read the brilliantly curated review by Jordan Hoffman of The Guardian — I was quite certain that no amount of money would inspire my need to sell a couple of hours of my life for the paltry pleasure of viewing a movie swimming in political incorrectnes.

This isn’t necessarily an outdated concept until you get to the part where the “White Savior” encased in chisel abs and the compulsory blond locks — swings from the vines of an African jungle in the quest for Truth, Justice, and The White Girl in Distress.

Yeah, it’s hard to coordinate the faculties in order to imagine what in the crazy hell studio executives at Warner Bros. we’re thinking when the pitch for a remake of The Legend of Tarzan went from straight up stupid to absolutely plausible.

But then again — Hollywood is run by a machine that can only accommodate one-track minds under the duress of dollar signs.

Never-mind that the plot stinks beyond comprehension because of the overtly racial undertones that shift gears with the celebration and validation of White supremacy.

Tarzan is a wealthy privileged white dude by the name of John Clayton III, and he was raised by apes in the wild due to tragic circumstances beyond his control.

So, of course a white boy sharing space with apes and other wild confectionary — will develop mad skills and grow up to be a sexy superhero who is naturally fly because that’s standard fare.

Shit happens and if there is a way to emerge intact and hot at the same time — sign me up!

The issue I have with Tarzan is that the story is callously outdated as well as an approved specialized fuck you to anyone of African heritage.

Clearly the studio behind this racist film didn’t give two fucks about Black people — and decided to exclude us from those who are are not of African descent. They’re the ones primed to devour this potent crap.

It’s demeaning and ludicrous to produce an offering that depicts a White man with more money than the Queen of England — returning back to his roots in order to heroically establish order and defiantly prove that only Caucasians are capable of leading the pack when it comes to humane requirements.

And of course no over-the-top spectacle is complete without the damsel in distress who is usually a young White ingenue.

This is mandated because they look so much better with their hair blowing in the wind and the bright eyes steamed with fake tears — against the fragile creamy skin.

Not only are we supposed to cheer Tarzan for dismantling an evil plan that was conceived for the righteous destruction of the native people — but we also have to contend with the undeniable evidence that Hollywood truly hates Black people.

How else can you explain how a film that reduces Africa to a port of resources that needs protection from greedy white businessmen — which is provided by a scantily clad White Knight — got made.

This year — The Academy got an earful from naysayers and activists who cried foul after the Oscar nominations were announced.

Old white men with too much money and time — dictate what comes and goes.

Yes, diversity isn’t readily admissible to executives who take chances on colonial themed shipwrecks but won’t dare sign off on a film with romantic but doomed leads featuring Lupita Nyong’o and Benedict Cumberbatch.

That’s asking a lot.

It’s no problem disregarding the climate of disarray brought on by the intense racial pollution that is only getting more dire by the minute.

Black boys and girls are being violated by law enforcement while the adults are faring the same as always.

Other mediums are relying on scripted and unscripted fare to highlight why it sucks that White Americans continue to be valued while Black Americans are undervalued.

Taking all this stuff into consideration — imagine, what it feels like as a person of color — sitting in the darkness of a movie theater — watching a film that evokes the reminder of the not-so-great past, chaotic present and stormy future.

At a time when another blond warrior is swooping in to protect his people from the funk of melanin-riddled rascals — a theatrical release that features a decadent gent who gets to periodically escape to a more tribalistic habitat — when he needs a break from his refined headquarters — and also manages to institute lawful statutes amongst the uncivilized dark people — is abominable and acutely insulting.

The cheaply rendered CGI might be the best thing this piece of garbage has to offer because at least the special effects echoe the sullen blueprint of a project that holds no relevance or historical bindings.

It’s just a way for the white audience to enjoy the biceps of Alexander Skarsgard and the All-American looks of Margot Robbie, who plays Jane— the woman with everything Tarzan needs to keep him away from the beasts of burden.

It’s a damn shame that any movie studio with major clout would go along with this madness as if Black America is a myth that resurfaces every once in awhile.

It’s appalling to be tortured every where you turn with proof that you don’t matter.

Black Lives don’t Matter in the United States of America.

It doesn’t take a shitty movie about white power to convince me but if you don’t believe me catch — The Legend of Tarzan at a multiplex near you.

Let me know how it goes…