I know this. Most women know this. I’ve giggled with many women about this, in Tech. None of us (all women over 30) apply to those jobs, though. Before I hit 30, I would have applied for that job—but after enough years of too many cultural risks resulting in poor experiences, I’m not willing to take the culture risk of a Jr High computer club anymore. Even though that’s my favorite memory of communing among my peers when I was 14. The use of the Ninja/Rockstar language clearly communicates that a vibe directed by maleness is the office culture for that business. It also suggests to many of us that many of the adult men in that business probably like playing videogames in their underwear at home (which yes, is a visual I’ve had of especially juvenile behaving young men I’ve worked with, and no that is not a pleasant visual association of a colleague), or enjoy telling sexist jokes at work. Or asking what I think of girls they like on Tinder while we’re all at lunch, or other blurred-line indiscretions that are not direct harassment, but do make me uncomfortable—and are definitely not required of peers voracious to work hard, think fast, and all the positive implications in the rockstar/ninja language. Another thought: those same guys would likely be tipped-off that being on their best adult behavior is expected of them at work, but that whimsy and fun and hard work are also expected of them, if a more thoughtful/deliberate approach is taken to setting the tone of culture in even the most pedantic of text compositions… like, a job ad.

There will always be lines to read between in metaphorical language, and all of us need to be more judicious with ourselves about not leading with those lines, in setting a tone for culture. Be fast paced, be nimble, be whimsical and fun—but give me cues to trust that you’re also all adults who will respect and treat me and other women like we’re also adults, too.