On my recent loss

I lost something a while ago

Maybe lost isn’t the right word

Maybe let go does it better justice

It was something that was actually mine

Something I made, created myself

It had more of me in it than anything I ever had

But I had to let go of it because it wasn’t the time

You know those things you get handed or own that you just can’t handle right at that moment

It was one of those things

I normally would have held on to something that precious and been sentimental about it

Not this time though, not this time

I knew it would ruin me and I, it

I let go of it faster than I ever thought I would

I let go of it the moment I knew I had it

It was a gift, one of the best I had ever received or given myself

But it wasn’t the right gift for the time

Not a gift I could handle at the time

Months after I let go of it

I’m sitting at my desk at work wondering if I made the right decision

Or if I made the decision too fast

I’m sitting at my desk on a Monday afternoon

Wondering how I made the decision so quickly

Trying to figure out why I was so sure that was what I wanted and needed at the time

I’m also asking myself why it’s taken me so long to process

Questioning if I’m dealing with this loss the right way

I’m still processing it though and dealing with it

I’m not beating myself up about it

Because even if it was a mistake

When or if I finally realize it was

I’d have learnt from it

I don’t have all the answers today

And probably might never have them, but that’s okay

The only thing that I know for sure today, is that I’m thankful for and to those who helped me get through this loss

I also know that I’m still in the process of reconciling this loss with my faith

So, thank you God

Thank you M, T, W, O, E and T

I could never thank you enough