Avoiding myself to be a toxic to anyone

Angge Co
Angge Co
Jul 23, 2017 · 4 min read

As how things get rough through relationships and bonds, being toxic is, nonetheless, preventable. We present our best selves to every single person that we meet aboard in every sections and chapters of our life. There may be relationships that we believe is toxic, but let’s get to the point where an individual can prolong their certain prevention to becoming a toxic. As what I believe that I’m trying to pursue for myself is to learn how to be assertive but at the same time to be down-to-earth. There may be heated arguments, abusive verbal quarrels and outraged discussions but there are various circumstances where we become toxic as someone driven to their own madness.

1. Own up and grow up.

Perhaps this is one of the things that I usually and constantly tell myself as someone who’d always turn up to be a chit-chattering machine who goes off telling this reason and that reason for doing such things or actions. But apparently owning up to your mistakes can be both easy and difficult. Easy in a way that it can be said in a fast pace run where you have to sit there and constantly blame yourself that you regret things but often the intentions can be a bit blurry. There are these intentions that are often misleading people into believing that they are truthfully sorry for things, but often these intentions are meant to cut off or finish the issue about the whole thing or perhaps people wouldn’t want to see the other party mad about such things. On the other hand, owning up to your shit is difficult in a way you have to ‘de’ escalate your sense of pride since pride can always kill relationships or even people. Pride isn’t something that’s easy to let go with, it keeps pulling people apart.

2. Understand, understand?

I can’t stress this enough to anyone reading this. Understand people, as easy as that. We tend to have different perspectives, different angles, different views, different beliefs, different opinions and different truths. There maybe a truth but we have different versions of it and we often bring ourselves to miscommunication and misunderstanding. As to how we understand people, we develop the sense of putting ourselves in their shoes. We may learn that it’s difficult to agree to the other party’s belief, but then we can always assure them that you respect and appreciate them and their beliefs or opinions. People who stick up their asses to their own opinions can be much more toxic than anyone else. They look stupid. Not being able to show how you understand people just brings you to the toxic section of the world or even the universe. People tend to share their feelings and their beliefs more openly if we intend to understand them in the first place. Arguments are the greatest challenge to begin with in terms of understanding the other party. As for myself, I found out it was difficult to not stick to your ideas when the other party can never appreciate those ideas; but instead, attacking and offensive verbal arguments would always take place. This is often why arguments escalate, we tend to shout over who rules the most, and who stands more corrected. There are no signs of surrendering, and what tops the most is the offensive approaches of many people which leads to misunderstanding.

3. Blame the cat.

You blame people because of what you believe it is. This comes with understanding people because blaming can often prevail the idea of believing that you are right and nobody shits to your idea. Whether it is the other party’s fault or not, stop blaming. Use ‘I’ rather than ‘you’. Listen to the difference of “You are such an insensitive person!” and “I couldn’t feel the concern from you.” This is almost similar to expressing yourself as an individual why you felt off and why you felt it wasn’t right as you leave that idea to the person you’re talking to without further blaming or labeling into something that can extremely hurt them. Self esteem is what we often look after as this can affect our daily struggles in life and some people are less concern to the others’ self esteem.

4. Small things must remain small.

They may seem wrong to you but don’t get yourself involved in a way that your ass makes everything a whole lot bigger than the actual. Leave small issues as it is. Stop making a fuss about things and judge it quietly. Stop blaming people just to make things worst as well. Control your temper. Your temper is not always welcome to the club.

5. Are you a friend?

Stop being a shithead and get along with everyone in town. Whether they seem to be off and their attitudes could be a bit weird for your own perspective, be a friend. Support them through words perhaps. Or maybe just a tap on a shoulder. Being less friendly to anyone can be tough, maybe even leading to becoming toxic if it persists. Just…be a friend.

6. Tag them along.

People blabber stuff to show sympathy to other people. We get it, you care. But then where is it rooted from? What I realized is that pulling them to some places with you such as the library, the classes you attend to, can be quite helpful to deliver the message of you being a bit concerned and friendly at the same time. “Let’s eat” sentences are so powerful that it’s usually the first sentence why we are friends with our friends. Simple invitations and even greetings can make an impression that you’re willing to have them as your company. This can also apply to constant checking on them. Most people love that.

Angge Co

Angge Co

Illustrator & Graphic Designer. I don’t really write, but I try to write. | Check my art here: be.net/ninjangge | artstation.com/anggeco

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