A Personal Story

I am sitting in a pale blue leather armchair in a small office room, staring out the window. There is a single tree basking in the late summer heat and rustling gently against the light breeze. The room is devoid of any character. There is a wooden desk against the wall next to the window, completely bare and missing a chair. In front of me, a small round wooden table with a booklet and a clipboard sitting upon it. Across the table, sitting opposite me in a chair identical to my own, is my therapist. …


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Our Bisexual South Asian Queen

Farrokh Bulsara, better known as Freddie Mercury, is a man well known in pop culture and adored by all. The lead singer of the sensational Queen, his incredible songwriting and talented vocals helped produce some of the most well known songs of an entire generation and gives him the status of rock icon. His legacy is something that will be remembered for lifetimes. However there is another legacy he is known for, his queerness. Freddie is a well known icon within in LGBTQ+ community and his life comes up often within these spaces. From his flamboyant stage persona to his tragic early death due to AIDS, Freddie left a mark within the LGBTQ+ community. However when discussing his life, there is one detail that often gets misrepresented. …


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Writing outside of Medium

As some of you may have noticed, my blog has been a little quiet this year. Compared to last year where I published one piece a month from April onwards, I’ve only managed to publish 3 longer pieces along with a collection of shorter pieces this year.

However, I have been doing a lot more writing than my blog would let on. Some of you here follow me on Twitter, which means you would likely have seen some of the pieces I have published externally. For those who don’t, here’s what you may have missed.

The Bi-Ble: New Testimonials

Last year, I submitted my coming out story to Monstrous Regiment, a independent micropress publisher based in Scotland (Leith, Edinburgh). Monstrous Regiment had previously published an anthology of bisexual stories in the puntastically named “The Bi-Ble” and they were looking to create a new volume with new stories. …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 7

A lot of people tend to assume that bisexual people somehow have it easier than gay people when, in reality, the opposite is true. It has been proven time and again, with various statistics on various topics, that bisexual people struggle more.

Bisexual people are often thought to have “straight passing” privilege, which is the idea that bisexual people are capable of moving about in society under the guise of being straight, something gay people are unable to do. This idea is completely erasing bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality and removing the oppression that they face.

It feeds this idea that bisexual people are “half straight, half gay”, but bisexual is its own identity, removed from either of those labels. We aren’t half anything, we are fully bisexual. And we cannot hide our sexuality any more than a gay person could. Hiding our sexuality is repression, which isn’t exactly something we should be encouraging. …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 6

This is a discourse that I have come across a lot and is probably the most frustrating thing to deal with. This can often come from people within our community, telling us we need to change our label as it is discriminatory. They believe that bisexual means “attracted to both men and women” and see that as an issue, knowing that gender exists on a spectrum.

First, let’s make something clear. Trans men are men and trans women are women. So even with this very antiquated definition of what bisexual is, it still includes trans men and trans women. …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 5

No. I really can’t get much simpler than that.

Bisexual is often seen as a combination of gay and straight, rather than a sexuality in its own right. There is this idea that bisexual is a temporary state, a phase whilst we figure out which one we are. When we get into a relationship, people think that we have finally “chosen a side”. But this isn’t how bisexual works.

Think of the implications of that. If my sexuality is based on who I am in a relationship with, what happens if that relationship ends? If being with a man made me gay, then when I become single do I not have a sexuality anymore? Do I revert back to that bisexual phase? Or is the side I’ve chose now permanent? …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 4

Since I don’t really date, I haven’t got this question aimed at me, but it’s one many bi people are familiar with.

What’s interesting is the concern that bisexual men would leave the woman they’re dating for a man. What if I leave them for another woman? Is that better, somehow? Why aren’t they concerned about that? There is this insecurity amongst women that they cannot fully satisfy bisexual men. After all, if we also like to have sex with men, that’s a form of sex they may be unable to provide. …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 3

I luckily haven’t faced this question myself, but I know many people who have. Bisexual women often get asked this question from straight men and it can be so exhausting.

Now, I should preface this with saying that there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a threesome. Some bisexual people may, in fact, take them up on the offer for an evening of fun and that’s perfectly ok! We’re all about sex positivity here.

However, what we don’t like is the assumptions made on the way to asking this question. It is often assumed that bisexual people are sexually promiscuous people with high sex drives. It is assumed that we want to have sex with everyone. Some bisexual people may have high sex drives, but this isn’t as a result of being bisexual. …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 2

I have had several cases where I have revealed that I’ve only gone so far as to kiss a woman, but have never slept with or dated any women. When monosexual people hear this, my whole sexuality comes into question.

I always find this a bit bizarre, especially when it comes from people within the LGBT+ community. Everyone in the community can state a moment where they “knew” that they weren’t straight. The person of the same sex that they “liked more than a friend” or the scene in a show or film that made them “feel something”. …


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Bi Week 2019, Day 1

This is usually the first question that I get asked when I tell someone that I am bisexual. It is the first thing every monosexual, straight or gay, want to know.

My first question is, why do I have to like any particular gender more than another? Attraction isn’t a zero sum game where I start with 100% and have to allocate every gender a particular percentage of attraction. It isn’t a case where my attraction towards a specific gender somehow decreases my attraction to another. Attraction is complicated. Some people may find themselves drawn more to a particular gender, but not everyone does. Many are attracted to all genders equally. …

About

Vaneet Mehta

Londoner born and raised. Bi Indian nerd who has way too many opinions and decided Twitter threads and lengthy FB posts aren’t cutting it.

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