Dating Etiquette in Japan

In Japan, where tradition and modernity harmoniously coexist, “minding one’s manners” plays a vital role in shaping interactions between individuals. Steeped in centuries-old customs and cultural norms, understanding the dos and don’ts of Japanese relationship etiquette is crucial for fostering respectful and harmonious connections. Whether you’re a foreigner dating someone from Japan or simply curious about the country’s unique relationship dynamics, knowing and understanding the dating etiquette in Japan can provide valuable insights.

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Minding one’s manners is vital to a successful relationship

Dos:

1. Politeness and Respect: Politeness is at the core of Japanese culture, and it is especially vital in relationships. Using honorific language (keigo) and showing respect towards your partner, their family, and friends are essential aspects of relationship etiquette.
2. Show Interest in Their Interests: Demonstrating genuine interest in your partner’s hobbies, passions, and activities is highly regarded. Engaging in shared activities and attending events together can deepen the bond between partners.
3. Exchange Thoughtful Gifts: Gift-giving is a significant aspect of Japanese culture. Thoughtful and well-chosen gifts, especially omiyage (souvenirs brought back from trips), are appreciated as gestures of affection and consideration.
4. Take Time to Listen: Active listening is key to successful communication in any relationship. Take the time to listen to your partner’s thoughts, concerns, and feelings, and respond with empathy and understanding.
5. Observe Personal Space: Japanese society values personal space, and this extends to relationships. Be mindful of respecting your partner’s boundaries and avoid intrusive questions or behavior.
6. Display Public Affection Thoughtfully: While public displays of affection are generally accepted, it’s essential to exercise moderation and sensitivity. Holding hands or light affectionate gestures are typically more acceptable than intense displays of intimacy.
7. Learn Basic Table Manners: Dining etiquette is considered essential in Japan. Familiarize yourself with basic table manners to show respect during shared meals with your partner and their family such as saying “いただきます” (itadakimasu) before a meal and “ごちそうさまでした” (gochisōsamadeshita) after eating.

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Dining etiquette is considered essential in Japan

Don’ts:

1. Avoid Being Overly Direct: Japanese communication often relies on indirect expressions and implied meanings. Avoid being overly direct, especially when discussing sensitive topics, to maintain harmony in the relationship.
2. Refrain from Being Loud or Boisterous: In Japanese society, being loud or overly expressive in public can be seen as disruptive. Maintain a calm and composed demeanor to align with cultural norms.
3. Steer Clear of Public Confrontations: Confrontations and public arguments are generally frowned upon in Japanese society. It’s essential to address issues privately and in a considerate manner.
4. Never Disrespect Elders: Respect for elders is deeply ingrained in Japanese culture. Be polite and considerate when interacting with your partner’s parents or grandparents.
5. Avoid Extreme Punctuality: While punctuality is valued, arriving too early for appointments or dates can be seen as impolite. Aim to be on time but avoid arriving excessively early, arriving 10 minutes before a date is a good example.
6. Don’t Offer to Split the Bill Equally: In Japan, it is customary for one person to pay for the entire bill when dining out or engaging in activities together. Offering to split the bill might be seen as unusual or awkward, especially on a date.
7. Refrain from Wearing Shoes Indoors: When visiting your partner’s home or other indoor spaces, remove your shoes at the entrance to adhere to Japanese custom.

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Arguments are at times unavoidable, but they should be done in private

Understanding Japanese etiquette is vital for building and maintaining a respectful and harmonious relationship in Japan. Politeness, respect, active listening, and cultural sensitivity are fundamental aspects of successful relationships in this beautiful country. By keeping in mind the dos and avoiding the don’ts, individuals can navigate relationships with grace, appreciation for tradition, and an openness to cultural nuances.

Originally published at https://www.nipino.com on July 27, 2023.

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